Category: one liners

I’ve never seen a woman make a fool out of a man without a lot of cooperation.

When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream ‘that’s mine’. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.Leave a box in the corner and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. Ask, ‘Did you feel that?’Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.When the doors close, announce to the others, ‘It’s okay, don’t panic, they open again.’ Call out ‘group hug’, and then enforce it.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

When you go into court you are putting
yourself in the hands of 12 people that
weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Waiter : “Would you like your coffee black?”

Customer : “What other colours do you have?”

Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by Calamjo

He who laughs last thinks slowest

Support the right to arm bears.

When a lion escapes from a circus in Africa, how do they know when
they’ve caught the right one?

– George Carlin

Q: Where does the cat go when it looses it’s tale?
A: The retail store.

Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we are already there?

All is not lost, It’s just a little hard to keep track of…

Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

Death is an acquired trait.