Category: one liners

God didn’t create the world in 7 days. He pulled an all-nighter on the 6th.

Q: What’s the difference between a wife and a tv, and a mistress and tv with cable?
A: The first one is both are at home and free, the second one is also both at home but with a FEE.

Never meddle in the affairs of Wizards: it makes them soggy and
hard to light.

What’s the difference between a penis and a prick?

A penis is fun, sexy and satisfying… A prick is the guy who owns it.

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When you drive you put your life in your foot’s hands.

If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

If we weren’t meant to juggle, tennis balls wouldn’t come three to a can.

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the
things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.

Q: What do you do if the washing machine breaks down
A: Slap the bitch

If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater?An armadildo.

Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.