Category: one liners

I love to sleep. It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Save the Save the Whale Foundation.

Do employees of the Lipton Tea company take coffee breaks?

I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a
foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and…

Every silver lining has a hem.

All I want is a chance to prove that money means nothing to me!

Out of my mind… Back in five minutes.

Just remember… You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the
neighbor’s car!

What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer’s day?

“I’m bacon!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

If it wasn’t for venetian blinds it would be curtains for us all.

I guess they got Michael on that new law — 3 tykes and you’re out. —Jay Leno