Category: music

Q: How can you tell someone is a true music lover?A: When they even put their ear up to the bathroom keyhole.

Conductor: Again from measure 5, if you please.Voice from viola section: But Maestro, we have no measure numbers.

THE BEST OF THE WORST COUNTRY-WESTERN SONG TITLES (THESE ARE
REAL)

– Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
– Her Teeth were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
– How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?
– How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I’ve
Been A Liar All My Life
– I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
– I Fell In a Pile of You and Got Love All Over Me
– I Flushed You From The Toilets of My Heart
– I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You
– I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn’t Spell Yuck!!
– I Wouldn’t Take Her To a Dawg Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win
– I’d Rather Have Bottle in Front of Me than a Frontal Lobotomy
– I’m Just A Bug On The Windshield of Life
– I’m the Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
– If I Can’t Be Number One in your Life, Then Number Two on You
– If Love were Oil, I’d Be A Quart Low
– If my Nose were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All on You
– If You Don’t Leave Me Alone, I’ll Go and Find Someone Else Who
Will
– If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
– Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)
– My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don’t Love Jesus
– My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was
Breaking My Heart
– My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
– Oh, I’ve Got Hair Oil On My Ears and My Glasses Are Slipping
Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
– She Got The Ring and I Got the Finger
– Thank God and Greyhound She’s Gone
– They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can’t Stop My Face From
Breakin’ Out
– Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
– You Can’t Have Your Kate and Edith Too
– You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat
– You Were Only a Splinter As I Slid Down the Banister of Life
– You’re the Reason Our Kids are so Ugly

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, “I can do that!”

What’s the difference between Billy Ray Cyrus and a prostitute?

Billy Ray Cyrus has an achy breaky heart and a prostitute has an
itchy twitchy twat!

Q: Why are violas so large?A: It is an optical illusion. It’s not that the violas are large, just that the viola player’s heads are so small.

“If the bed breaks, Sweetheart, I’ll see you in the Spring”

“Get out the meat balls Mama, there’s a fork in the road”

“I’m sorry I made you cry, but at least your face is cleaner”

“Whistling through the knot hole in Grannies wooden leg”

“Where did Robinson Crusoe go with Friday on Saturday Night”

This last one is a real song:
“Every Saturday night they’d go out for a roam, And every Sunday morning
they’d come straggling home…”

What do you call an artist who broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless

Q: What’s the definition of a minor second?A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison.

Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it’s electrified.

Q: How do you get five oboes in tune?A: Shoot four of them.

Q: What is the most seldom heard comment made of banjo players?A: “Say, isn’t that the banjo player’s Porsche?”