Category: music

Q: Why is the banjo player a fiddle player’s best friend?A: Without him, the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth.

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he
said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into
the river.” With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine
in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” And then finally,
he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw
it into the river.” He sat down. The song leader then stood very
cautiously and announced with a smile, “For our closing song, let us sing
Hymn # 365: “Shall We Gather at the River.”

Q: What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost?A: A goalpost that can’t march.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one, but he’ll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can’t just be pushed in.

Q: What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?A: You can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish.

Q: Which positions does a violist use?A: First, third, and emergency.

Q: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that’s not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it.

Q: Why does everyone hate a banjo right off?A: Saves time.

The late Sir Thomas Beecham used to say the sound of the harpsichord is like “two skeletons making love on a tin roof”.

Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?A: Sit in the back and don’t play.

What’s the difference between a piano and a fish?

You can’t tuna fish.

Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section?A: A semi-tone.