The day finally arrived: Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He
is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. The gates are
closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper.
Saint Peter says, “Well, Forest, it’s certainly good to see you.
We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place
is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance
examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you
need to pass before you can get into Heaven.”
Forest responds, “It shore is good to be here St. Peter. I was
looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance
exams. Sure hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough
test as it was.”
St. Peter goes on, “Yes, I know Forest. But the test I have for
you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the
week begin with the letter ‘T’? Second, how many seconds are
there in a year? Third, what is God’s first name?”
Forest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the
next day and goes up to St. Peter to try to answer the exam
questions. St. Peter waves him up and asks, “Now that you have
had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.”
Forest says, “Well, the first one, how many days of the week
begin with the letter ‘T’? Shucks, that one’s easy; that’d be
Today and Tomorrow!”
The saint’s eyes open wide and he exclaims, “Forest! That’s not
what I was thinking, but…you do have a point though, and I
guess I didn’t specify, so I give you credit for that answer.”
“How about the next one” says St. Peter, “how many seconds in a
year?”
“Now that one’s harder,” says Forest. “But, I thunk and thunk
about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.”
Astounded, St. Peter says, “Twelve! Twelve! Forest, how in
Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?”
Forest says, “Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second,
February second, March second ….”
“Hold it,” interrupts St. Peter. “I see where you’re going with
it. And I guess I see your point, though that wasn’t quite what
I had in mind, but I’ll give you credit for that one too.”
“Let’s go on with the next and final question,” says St. Peter,
“Can you tell me God’s first name?”
Forest says, “Well shore, I know God’s first name. Everbody
probably knows it. It’s Howard.”
“Howard?” asks St. Peter. “What makes you think it’s ‘Howard’?”
Forest answers, “It’s in the prayer.”
“The prayer?” asks St. Peter, “Which prayer?”
“The Lord’s Prayer,” responds Forest: “Our Father, who art in
heaven, Howard be thy name ….”