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Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are.
The olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe and the biran fguiers it out aynawy
Submitted by Curtis
Atlanta Coca-Cola is fixing an embarrassing typo in the word “disk”
in copyright information on about 2 million 12-packs of the drink.
In the misprint, the “s” is replaced by a “c.” Normally, the small type
under the copyright information states that the “red disk icon and contour
bottle are trademarks of the Coca-Cola Co.”
Jon John, the world’s worst basketball player, was arrested and charged
with brawling in a public place. He pleaded guilty and threw himself at the
mercy of the court…. and missed.
When I was in the Air Force, they had a weekly paper. It had a lost and
found section. One day I was reading it and saw this:
“Found, one black boy’s bicycle”.
Wonder how they knew?
William Bennett recalls when one of his “radical students” at Boston University announced that he and his girlfriend were getting married for “as long as we feel good about each other.”
It seemed rather temporary to Dr. Bennett, so for a wedding present, he says, “I gave them paper plates.”
As Jack the Ripper’s mother said to her son, “How come you never go out with the same girl twice?”
As Caesar said, “Let me mix that salad!”
As Moses said to God, “Let me see if I have it right – the Arabs get the oil and we get to cut off the tips of our WHAT?”
As George Washington said when he was crossing the Delaware, “I can’t understand it. I paid for a seat!”
As Jesse James said to his brother Frank, “We can’t rob that bank. That’s where we keep our money!”
As Vincent Van Gogh said after he cut off his ear, “Don’t shout!”
Paul Carthy, 25, pleaded guilty in Exeter, England, in September to theft
subsequent to his original charge of shoplifting from a liquor store. In
the second theft, he had stolen the magnetic letters off the name board
that was held up to his face when his mug shot was taken.
Signs from hotels and from around the world:
In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Bangkok drycleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors during the hours of repose in the boots of Ascension.
In a Yugoslav hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor’s shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
Conduct During the Holiday Season…
Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder at Kinko’s to make tinsel is discouraged.
Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor’s push-button phone during a party is forbidden.
(It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)
Rental cars are not to be used to go “over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s house.”
Endlessly singing “Frosty, the Snowman” under your breath at the mall will result in “no presents” this year.
All fruitcake is to be eaten before July 25, 2001.
Laced Eggnog will not be secreted in Pepsi cans.
Letting Grampa play “Santa” in long underwear dyed red is discouraged.
Several children are still in therapy as a result of last year’s “incident” when Flopsy, Mopsy and Peter Cottontail made an unexpected “appearance.”
I get a big laugh at the dialogue of Osama bin Laden, the Taliban, politicians, and the news media.
They say terrorists will hit us again in the oncoming weeks and months. What a joke! You have a better chance of getting killed on Interstate 35E than by a terrorist.
Osama has probably seen 100 degree plus summers in Afghanistan, but he doesn’t have fire ants to go with it. If he did, he wouldn’t be sleeping on the ground in his cave.
He talks of pain and suffering he is going to inflict on us. He doesn’t know what pain is until he gets kicked by a green broke, two year old colt in a freezing rain.
Germ warfare? Texas ticks will give you Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and Lime disease, blister beetles kill your horse, green bugs destroy a wheat crop, and termites eat your house. Anthrax has killed Texas cattle for over 125 years.
What’s new? Our prairie dogs carry the plague, armadillos carry leprosy, and our bats and skunks carry rabies. We have rattlesnakes, copperheads, and water moccasins. Ho hum.
They talk of gas and biological warfare. They have never pulled in behind a cattle truck while its raining, or ridden in the front seat of a pick-up between two cowboys after they have just eaten a big bowl of Texas Red Beans.
Texas ain’t for sissies! We have posted signs all over the state that say “Don’t mess with Texas!” Osama, consider yourself warned!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
A judge in Louisville decided a jury went “a little bit too
far” in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who
was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge
reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.
M&M’s: The Theory of Evolution
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.
To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:
M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”