Category: military

BinLaden popped his head out of his cave You know what that
means don’t you? 6 more weeks of boming

A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. On previous visits she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.

She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives!

She approached one of the women for an explanation: “What enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?”

“Land mines,” replied the Kuwaiti woman.

10 Things to say to a cop if you want to get arrested

10. If he calls you son say ive been fuckin my grandma this
whole time?
9. When he writes you a ticket ask if you can pay now with a
credit card
8. When he says, I think you were speeding, say so were you, I
was doing 90 and you were tailin me all the way
7. If he says you were doin 85, say no, I was doin 90.
6. When he says I think you were speeding, say wll i think so
too but you see me pullin myself over and givin me a ticket
5. When he says you have the right to remain silent, say you
have the right to eat only jelly donuts. youre too fat for
powdered.
4.While hes saying whatever hes saying say I have my liscense
right here are you blind?
3. If he says, you weren’t wearing your seat belt, say well you
arn’t either now!
2. If hes bald ask him if hes usin Rogaine and say it might help
your ugliness.
1. Speak another language to the cop if you know one or just
speak gibberish if you don’t

Two good ol’ boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from Privates to Sergeants.
Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Bubba says, “Hey, Junior – there’s the NCO Club. Let’s you and me stop in and have us a drank.”

“But we’s privates,” protests Junior.
“NO, we’s sergeants now,” says Bubba, pulling him inside
“Now, Junior, I’m gonna sit down and have me a drank.”
“But, we’s privates,” says Junior.
“You blind, boy!” says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. “We’s Sergeants now!”

So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba.
“You’re cute,” she says, “and I’d like to take you someplace and make you feel good — but I’ve got a bad case of gonorrhea.”

Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, “Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means. If it’s good, give me the okay sign.”

Junior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Bubba is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.
“Junior,” he says, “What you give me the okay for?!”

“Well Bubba, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea only affects the privates.”
Then he pointed to his stripes and says, “But we’s Sergeants now!

Q: Did you hear about the girl who wanted to join the Army?
A: She jumped over a campfire and got “Deferred”.

Look, we have bombed these people, shot them, invaded their country, shipped them off to Cuba to sit in a cage, stolen their oil and STILL they dont like us Its just like with the indians You just cant win

Chemical gas bombs: 10,000 dollars.

Bomb the size of a truck: 2,000,000 dollars.

Plane to drop the bombs: 16,000,000 dollars.

Osama Bin Laden’s corpse decomposing and fried on a
cave floor in Afghanastan.

PRICELESS.

There was an Aggie, a Longhorn, and a Bug Eater.

They attempted to rob a bank but got caught.

They went to court and were sentenced to the electric chair.

The guys operating it told them that if they survived they were free to go.

The Longhorn went first. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He told them no. He pressed the button and nothing happened so he was free to go.

The bug eater went next. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He said no and pressed the button. Nothing happened and he was free to go.

The Aggie went next. They asked him if he had any last words.

“I think if you plug the chair in, it’ll work better.”

These 3 guys robbed a bank and were making a run for it when
they heard police sirens in the area. They ran into a grocery
store and snuck into the back. There they found three large
potato sacks. They each climbed into one and as the last one
closed his sack up they hear two police officers enter.

The deputy went up to the first bag and kicked it….

“Woof Woof” responded the man attempting to sound like a dog.
the deputy told the sheriff that it was a dog inside.

Next he went and kicked the second of the three sacks….

“Meow Meow” said the man in the sack in an attempt to sound
like a cat. again, he told the sheriff what he heard…

He went to the third sack and gave it a good kick

Thinking quickly, the man inside responded: “Potato Potato”

The USA blamed the Russian companies that they were supplying Bagdad with the elastic band for pants. Iraq engineers made the catapults of them and now Iraq soldiers are striking a blow to American air forces.

During an Army war game a commanding officer’s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.
“Sorry sir,” said one of the loafers, “but we�ve been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn’t contribute in any way.”

The C.O. turned to his driver and said, “Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction.”

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding
drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22
MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as
a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies –
two in the front seat and three in the back – wide eyed and
white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him,
“Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed
limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you
should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be
a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed
limit exactly… Twenty-Two miles an hour!” the old woman says a
bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a
chuckle, explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the
speed limit.

A bit embarassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for
pointing out her error. “But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have
to ask… Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully
shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.”
the officer asks.

“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute, officer. We just got off
Route 119.”