Yours Fun Portal !
Woman: Doctor, my husband tells me my pussy’s too big. So I’d like you to tell me if you find it unusual.
Doctor: Please, take off your clothes and I’ll have you examined.
Doctor (shouting): What a giant pussy!! What a giant pussy!!
Woman (angry): Did you have to say it twice?!?
Doctor: I didn’t! I didn’t!
A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he
suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However,
he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.
It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased
a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business
knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the
business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The
last question of the interview was always the same.
“Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the first candidate.
“Yes. You have no ears.”
He quickly eliminated the first candidate.
“Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the second candidate.
“Yes. You have no ears.”
He quickly eliminated the second candidate.
“Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the third candidate.
“Yes. You’re wearing contacts.”
Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, “That’s correct. How did
you know?”
“You can’t wear glasses if you don’t have any freakin’ ears.”
1. “The knee bones connected to the…jaw bone.”
2. “You know, testicles are highly overrated.”
3. “Wait, we were supposed to REMOVE the implants?”
4. “Hey, the pizza boy’s here.”
5. “This guy used to beat me up in junior high! I’ll show him.”
6. “Crud, I dropped my contact in there.”
7. “Nurse, what does this button do? It does, uh oh.”
8. “Don’t worry, it probably won’t happen to this one too.”
9. “Lets cut this, just for fun.”
10. “You idiot, that’s not anesthetic, that’s medicinal
marjuana.”
15. Genetational pinocchiotomy.
14. Doubling the interest rate on your mutual fun.
13. Peter padding.
12. Plumping the ball park frank.
11. Putting the archbishop on the rack.
10. Puffin’ the magic dragon.
9. Supersizing Big Mac.
8. Adding a wing to the sexual addiction clinic.
7. Putting the munchkin on stilts.
6. Trading in the escort for a stretch limo.
5. Getting a Magic Johnson.
4. Preparing to boldly go where no manhood has gone before.
3. Turning crouching tiger into hidden dragon.
2. Upgrading passenger Johnson to first class.
1. Taking the train from Vienna to Frankfurt.
A man rushed into a doctor’s office and said “Doctor! I’m going to die in 59 seconds!” The doctor, who was busy with another patient said “Hang on just one minute!”
A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When
the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ”Up nuts!”
And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ”Down
nuts!” And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, ”Cheer nuts!” And they all broke into applause
and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well; he decided to go get a beer and a hot
dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked
what happened.
The assistant replied, ”Well…everything was fine until some guy walked by
and yelled, ”PEANUTS!”
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole new line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today’s society:
DIRECTRA – a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA – Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting new one.
CHILDAGRA – Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks – especially cleaning up spills and “little accidents.”
COMPLIMENTRA – In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA – Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store’s return limit.
NEGA-VIAGRA – Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA – This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.
FLATULAGRA – This complex drug converts men’s noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.
FLYAGRA – This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.
PRYAGRA – About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into “special prosecutors.”
LIAGRA – This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available Regular, Grand Jury, and Presidential Strength versions.
An anesthesiologist is a doctor who works in the operating room to delay your pain until such time as you get his bill.
Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
Someone call the janitor – we’re going to need a mop.
Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
Hand me that….uh….that uh….thingie.
Oh no! I just lost my Rolex. Oops!
Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
Darn, there go the lights again…
Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy’s got two of ’em.
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
Could you stop that thing from beating? It’s throwing my concentration off..
What’s this doing here?
I hate it when they’re missing stuff in here.
That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
I wish I hadn’t forgotten my glasses.
Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.
Sterile, shcmerile. The floor’s clean, right?
Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
Don’t worry. I think it is sharp enough.
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!
Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.Patient: 24 hours! That’s terrible! What could be worse? What’s the very bad news?Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
It is recounted that at King’s College in the Strand around the time of the war, the Chief of Services would inevitably begin the year’s rounds by teaching “a singularly important principle of medicine.”
He asked a nurse to fetch him a sample of urine. He then talked at length about diabetes mellitus. “Diabetes,” he said, “is a greek name; but the Romans noticed that the bees like the urine of diabetics, so they added the word mellitus which means sweet as honey. Well, as you know, you may find sugar in the urine of a diabetic…”
By now, the nurse had returned with a sample of urine which the registrar promptly held up like a trophy. We stared at that straw colored fluid as if we had never seen such a thing before. The registrar then startled us. He dipped a finger boldly into the urine, then licked his finger with the tip of his tongue. As if tasting wine, he opened and closed his lips rapidly. Could he perhaps detect a faint taste of sugar? The sample was passed on to us for an opinion. We all dipped a finger into the fluid, all of us foolishly licked that finger.
“Now,” said the Registrar grinning, “you have learned the first principle of diagnosis. I mean the power of observation.”
We were baffled. We stood near the sluice room outside the ward, and in the distance, some anonymous patient was explosively coughing.
“You see,” the registrar said continuing triumphantly, “I dipped my MIDDLE finger into the urine, but licked my INDEX finger, not like all you chaps!”
A man come into the ER yelling, “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!”
The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out to the cab, lifts the lady’s dress,
and just finishes jerking off her underwear when he suddenly discovers that
there are several cabs lined up, and it’s obvious that he’s in the wrong one.