Category: medical

This guy took his nymphomaniac wife to the sex therapist for treatment.

“This is one hot potato of a lady, doctor,” he said, “Maybe you can do something for her? She goes for any man, any age, any time, anywhere and it is just driving me crazy with jealousy.”

“We’ll see,” the therapist said. He directed the wife into his examining room, closed the door behind her, and told her to get undressed. Then he told her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach.

The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to squirm and moan. It was too much for him to resist, so he climbed up on top of her and began screwing her.

The husband suddenly hears the moans and groans coming from the examination room. Very suspicious, he bursts into the room and is confronted by the sight of the doctor astride his wife and banging away.

“Doctor, what are you doing?!?” he asked.

Flustered, the therapist replied, “Oh, it’s you!
I’m only taking your wife’s temperature!”

The husband pulled out a large pocket knife and began to hone it deliberately on his sleeve. “Well, doc,” he said, “when you take that thing out, it better have numbers on it!”

“What kind of job do you do?” a lady passenger asked the man traveling in her compartment.

“I’m a naval surgeon,” he replied.

“Goodness!” said the lady, “How you doctors specialize these days!”

Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It’s a big building with a lot of doctors, but that’s not important now.

there were 2 doctors talking about their patients today. one doctor said,”did you hear about the boy that was born with thre knees?””no”the other doctor replied”who was it?””well who was it the other doctor repeated””well….i dont know who it was but he was born with a right knee, a left knee, and a wee-knee”

A man goes to the doctor and says: “It hurts when I press here” (pressing his side)
“And when I press here” (pressing the other side)

“And here” (his leg)

“And here, here and here” (his other leg, and both arms)

So the doctor examined him all over and finally discovered what was wrong. He exclaimed, “You’ve got a broken finger!”

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I’m constipated.” The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, “Lean over the table.”

The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later and says, “Doc, I feel great. What should I do?”

The doctor says, “Stop wiping with cement bags.”

What do you call a depressed dentist?
A little down in the mouth.

“Oh doctor,” moaned the woman to the psychiatrist. “Everyone calls me a nymphomaniac!”

“I understand,” said the shrink. “But I’ll be able to take better notes if you’ll let go of my cock!”

“I think I have a problem, doc,” says the patient, “one of my balls has turned blue”.

The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes the patient dies if they don’t have his testicle removed.

“Are you crazy?!” bursts the patient, “how could I let you do such a thing to me!”

“You want to die?”, asks the doctor rhetorically, and the patient has to agree to have his testicle removed.

But, two weeks after the operation, he comes back. “Doc, I don’t know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue, too.”

Again, the doctor tells him if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off, too, and, again, the man is very reluctant to the idea.

“Hey, you want to die?”, asks the doc, and the patient has to agree with the operation.

But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returns to the doctor: “I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely blue.”

After briefly examining the patient, the doc gives him the bad news: if he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, he does not want to hear about it.

“You want to die?”, asks the doctor.

“But… how do I pee?”

“We’ll install an plastic pipe, and there will be no problem.”

So, he has his penis removed, and, a while after the operation, the unfortunate man enters, again, the doctor’s office. He is very angry: “Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue.”

“What?”

“Can you tell me what a hell is happening?”

So, the doctor examines the patient more carefully and says: “Hm, I don’t know, could it be the jeans?…”

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn’t all that bad this time.Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the four o’clock ball game.

Your butt so big, that when you were born, the doctor said “Congratulations!
Twins!”

A man is in the hospital and he gets a hard on and it is 6 feet in the air. So he hits the button for the nurse. She finally comes in and he tells her there is a fly on the end of his dick and he can’t reach it. So she tries and can’t reach it. So she finally decides to climb it so she climbs and is almost st the top and she slides all the way down. She tries again and slides back down. Ny now she is getting frustrated and tries again. And she slides back down. She tells the man she will try 1 more time and he says ” nurse, if you climb your sweet ass up one more time I will shoot that sonovabitch off