Category: medical

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.”Doctor,” says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. “Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?””I don’t see why not,” replies the doctor.”That’s funny,” says the man. “I wasn’t able to play it before.”

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy
in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he
felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor,
and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams,
and various tests and then concluded, “Yes, I am happy to say
that I believe I can help you.”

“On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and
buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your
clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until
you make a bulls eye in your wife’s love canal. Then on hands
and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the
grape using only your tongue.”

“Then next, ma’am, you must take the doughnuts and from across
the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer
around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him
and consume the doughnut.” The couple went home and their sex
life became more and more wonderful. They told their friends,
Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor.

The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the
case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the
physical exams and the same battery of tests. Then he told the
Greens the bad news. “I cannot help you, so I will not take your
money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be. I
cannot help.” The Greens pleaded with him, and said, “You helped
our friends the Browns, now please, please help us.” “Well, all
right”, the doctor said. “On your way home from the office, stop
at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of
cheerios…”

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he
graduated college. So much so that he could now afford to have a
proper sign advertising his services. So he told a kid to paint
a sign board for him & put it above his clinic entrance.

Instead of his business building up, it declined steeply. He had
especially noticed the ladies shying away from his clinic after
reading the sign. So he decided to check it out for himself.

One look and he understood why. The boy only found a small
wooden board to paint the sign on and he had split the word
psychotherapist into the 3 words. His new sign read:

Psycho-
the-
rapist

“Mr. Clark, I’m afraid I have bad news,” the doctor told his
anxious patient. “You only have six months to live.”

The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes.
Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician
that he had no medical insurance. “I can’t possibly pay you in
that time.”

“Okay,” the doctor said, “let’s make it nine months.”

Three things nobody wants to hear the surgeon say:

Oops.
Has anyone seen my watch?
That was some party last night. I can’t remember WHEN I’ve been that drunk!

A man is urinating one day when the end of his penis drops off. He thinks, “This is probably not a good thing,” so he picks up the knobby end and sticks it in his pocket, then races off to the doctor. He waits in the surgery for a bit, then he’s called in.

The doctor greets him and asks, “What’s the problem?”

“Well, doctor, I was urinating and my knob fell off. Here it is.” And he reaches into his pocket and hands the piece to the doctor.

The doctor looks, frowns, then replies, “What are you talking about? This is a marshmellow!”

“Well, that can’t be right! I ate my last marshmellow on the way in here!”

What’s the best thing about having Alzheimer’s Disease?

1: You can hide your own Easter eggs.
2: You are always meeting new people.
3: You never have to watch reruns on television.

A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.

When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him asked: “Why are you laughing?”

“I was thinking about my own funeral” the man replied.
“What’s so funny about that?”

“I’m a gynecologist.”

Then there’s the woman who goes to the dentist.

As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls.

The dentist says, “Madam, I believe you’ve got a hold of my privates.”

The woman replies, “Yes…And we’re going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren’t we…”

It has come to prove that male who are admitted in hospitals heal fast because the famale nurses wear short dress and the sick male eye are always rolling to see the female nurses thighs and bottoms evenif the sick male folks have broken necks.

“Doctor Doctor i feel like a bridge!”
“What’s come over you?”
“2 buses, 3 motorbikes and a train.”

“Doctor Doctor – I feel like a pack of cards!”
“I’ll deal with you later.”

“Doctor Doctor – I feel like a needle!”
“I see your point.”

“Doctor Doctor – I feel like a pair of curtains!”
“Pull yourself togerther man!”

“Doctor Doctor – I have 59 seconds to live!”
“Wait a minute will ya!

“How are your hemorrhoids?”
“Swell.”