Nurses Revenge

A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She walked into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature.”

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

“No, I’m sorry, the nurse stated, “but for this reading, I can’t use an oral thermometer.”

This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, “I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!”

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After almost an hour, the man’s doctor comes into the room.

“What’s going on here?” asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, “What’s the matter, Doc? Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?”

After a pause, the doctor replies, “Yes, but never with a daffodil!”

Sex, age and timing

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examinations on the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man, “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?” “In fact, I do,” said the man. “After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.” “This is very interesting,” replied the doctor. “Let me do some research and get back to you.” After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said, “Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?” The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor then asked, “Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?” “Oh that old buzzard!” she replied. “That’s because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!”

Gyn.

One woman says to another: “I can’t understand why you haven’t gone to see that new gynecologist yet! I mean he’s so young and handsome! And your gynecologist is so old!”

The other woman replies with a smile: “Yeah, I know. His hands shake *all* the time!”

The bad and the worse news

A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.Man: And the bad news?Doctor: You have Alzheimer’s disease.Man: That’s great. I was afraid I had cancer!

Iron Will Do The Job

There was once an elderly woman, who was once a blonde, before
her hair changed to gray. She had several wrinkles on her face,
and really, really wanted to look younger.She went to a doctor
to see about getting a face lift, but that was too expensive.
Later that day, while walking through a department store, she
got a brilliant idea.

she bought an iron and went home. A little while after that, an
ambulance drove up to the ER. The paramedics were laughing
histerically as they pulled the old woman out of the ambulance.
The doctors asked her why she had burns that appeared to be from
an iron on her face. She told the doctors That she was sick of
looking like a raisin, so she bought an iron to get the wrinkles
out of her skin because it did such a good job on her clothes!

Nurse Jenny

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny.

“She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.” said one doctor. “Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!”

The second doctor said, “That’s nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!”

Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall, the hear: “Oh my God!” said the first doctor, “I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr. Smith’s boil!”