Category: little johnny

Q. What happens when a forg parks illegaly?

A. It gets toad!

Teacher : ” Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”

One Student : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.”

Submitted by curtis
Edited by calamjo, Tantilazing and yisman

What do you call an Eagle Scout with a crew cut?

A bald eagle!

If there are some ants lost in the forest who do you call to find them ? The minister of finance

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over
them with roller blades, they can ignite.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is
not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman
underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough,
however, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.

5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have
to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A
ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh,”
it’s already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of
it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even
though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the
movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an
overcast day.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of
a six-year-old.

11. “Play-Doh” and “microwave” should never be used in the
same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool
you still can’t walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV
commercials show they do.

16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000
sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise in a moving
car.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic
toys do not like ovens.

20. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

21. Cats spit up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Q.Why did the skeliten cross the rode?

A.To prove it had guts.

One day, A girl asked her father why her name was rose. The father replied, “because when you were born a rose fell on your head”.
The next day, Another daughter asked her father why her name was violet. The father replied, “because when you were born a violet fell on your head”.
Finally, his third child, his only son, came up to his father making a unnnhhhhhh sound.
The father replied, SHUT UP FRIDGE!

Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. The father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself…television, ice cream, homework, video games…but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held. The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home.

At this point, the boy’s uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny and without comment, the game resumed. For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the cardplayers continued without any further interruptions.

After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny’s uncle, “What in the world did you do to Johnny? I haven’t heard a peep from him all day!”

“Not much,” the boy’s uncle replied. “I just showed him how to jerk off.”

His father sends a small boy to bed.
Five minutes later… “Da-ad…”
“What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?”
“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”
Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…”
“WHAT?”
“I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?”
“I told you NO!” If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!”
Five minutes later: “Daaaa-aaaad…”
“WHAT!”
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.”The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And, it takes eight people to collect all the money!”

AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: Able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.

what does a cat put on itself when it has a
opened cut

purr.. oxside