Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmatic.
“Why” asks his father?
“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?” and I said “6”
“But thats right!”
“Then she asked me ‘how much is 2×3?”
“Whats the fucking difference?”
“Thats what I said!”
Category: little johnny
How many little brothers
How many little brothers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three- one to hold onto the bulb and two to turn the ladder.
McDonald’s
As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald’s one day, we passed a car accident.
Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, “We should pray.”
From the back seat I heard his earnest request: “Please, God, don’t let those cars block the entrance to McDonald’s.”
Skunks
q: why do skunks smell so bad?
a:Cheap cologne
Smething mean to a skinny kid!
U r so skinny that UR MOMMA GOT U MISTAKEN AS A DILDO!!!!
POTENTIALLY
A boy came home from school one day. His father asked him how his day was and the boy said, “Well Dad, I looked stupid because I did not know the difference between potential and reality.”His dad says, “Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with our next door neighbor for a million dollars.” He came back with a shocked look on his face and said, “Dad, she said, ‘Yes!”.”OK son, now go and ask your sister the same question.”A few minutes later he came back, shocked again. “Dad, she said, ‘Yes!’ also!”His dad told him, “There you go.”His son looked at him, puzzled. “Dad I still don’t understand.””Look son, POTENTIALLY we are multi-millionaires, but in REALITY we are dead broke and living with a couple of whores.”
Old Fashioned
A little boy and a little girl were sitting on the porch talking, when the little girl suddenly winked and asked: “Do you want to get undressed and we can play doctor?”
The little boy replied, “You’re so old fashioned” … “spit out your gum, I want to play President.”
Brushing the Child
If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair.
If this doesn’t work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.
The phone rings and a little boy answers…
Boy (whispering) : “Hello.”
Caller : “Hello, I was wondering if I could speak to your mother?”
Boy (whispering) : “She’s busy.”
Caller : “Oh, well then could I speak to your father?”
Boy (whispering) : “He’s busy too.”
Caller : “Well, is there any adult there I could speak to?”
Boy (whispering) : “The police are here.”
Caller : “Goodness, could I speak to one of the officers?�
Boy (whispering) : “They’re busy.�
Caller : “There must be somebody there I could speak to?”
Boy (whispering) : “The firemen are here.�
Caller : “Son, please let me speak to one of the firemen.”
Boy (whispering) : “They’re all busy.�
Caller : “Look, I think I really should speak to somebody,what is everybody
doing that’s making them so busy.�
Boy (whispering) : “They’re looking for me.”
A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher ask
A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, “What’s the problem,
Carol? I hope it’s not homework again.”
“Well, uh, yes, it is.” replied Carol. “I was stupid and made my homework
paper into a paper airplane.”
“Carol, you’re right, that wasn’t a very bright thing to do,” said the
teacher, “but this once I’ll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in.”
“Oh, but that won’t work,” said Carol, looking even sadder. “You see,the plane
was hijacked.”
Buying a Barbie Doll
A woman and her daughter go to the store to get the daughter a Barbie. At the store, the daughter asks the lady working at the store if Barbie comes with Ken.
She replies, “Oh no, Barbie only cums with GI Joe, she just fakes it with Ken.”
Neighbors baby
Little Johnny’s neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnny looked in the crib he said, “What a beautiful baby.”
The mother said, “Why, thank you, Little Johnny.”
Johnny said, “He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes.” “Can he see?” asked Little Johnny.
“Yes”, the mother replied, “we are so thankful, the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.”
“That’s great”, said Little Johnny, “cuz he’d be in trouble if he needed glasses”