Category: little johnny

Junior, curious about some words he saw on the bathroom wall asked, “Mom, what’s a pussy?”

Mom remained calm, showed him a picture of a cat and said, “That’s a pussy, son. A pussy is a kitty cat.”

“What’s a bitch, then?” inquired the precocious little tyke.

Mom got the dictionary out and said, “See, the dictionary says a bitch is a female dog.”

Not satisfied, he asked his father what a pussy was. Pops dutifully trotted out a girlie mag from his sock drawer, drew a circle around the genital region and said, “That’s a pussy right there, son. And a fine specimen it is, too.”

“Well, what’s a bitch, then?” asked Junior.

“That’s everything outside the circle.”

In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it often turned out that they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wit’s end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys.The father replied: ‘Sure, do that before I kill them!’ The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, and said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his gnarled and boney forefinger at the boy and asked: ‘Where is God?’The 8 year old boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked: ‘Where is God?’Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy’s nose, and asked: ‘Where is God?’The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said: ‘We are in BIIIIG trouble.’The 10 year old asked: ‘What do you mean, BIIIIG trouble?’ His brother replied: ‘God is missing and they think we did it.’

who invented knock knock?

Answer: Two wee chaps.

A mother was teaching her three-year-old daughter The Lord’s Prayer. For
several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she
said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully
enunciated each word right up to the end.

“And lead us not into temptation”, she prayed, “but deliver us some e-mail,
Amen.”

Two five-year-old boys are standing at the toilet to piss.

One says, ‘Your thingy doesn’t have any skin on it.’

‘I’ve been circumcised,’ the other one says.

‘What’s that mean?’

‘It means they cut the skin off at the end.’

‘How old were you when it was cut off?’

‘My mum said I was two days old.’

‘Did it hurt?’

‘You bet it hurt. I couldn’t walk for a year.’

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

Eventually little Johnny’s turn came. Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, waited a short time and make a second small white dot next to the first.

Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was.

‘It’s a period,’ reported Johnny.
‘Yes, I can understand that,’ she said, ‘but what is so exciting about a period?’

‘Damned if I know,’ said Johnny, ‘but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.’

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon
quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the
balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
“There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he said. “An ambulance just
drove by.” A few moments passed.

“Looks like the Anderson’s have company,” he called out. “Matt`s riding a new
bike and the Coopers are having sex.”

Mom and dad shot up in bed. “How do you know that?” the startled father asked.

“Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,” his son replied.

A four year old girl was learning to say the Lord’s Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother. She said, “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail.” Amen.

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” The young son asked, “What happened to the flea?”

A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left shoe was on the right foot. She said, “Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet!” He looked up at her with a raised eyebrow and said,
“Don’t kid me, Mom, I know they’re my feet.”

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher announced to her class, “If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers.” A little voice from the back of the room asked, “How will that help?”

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. “What are you doing?” his mother asked. “The box says you can’t eat them if the seal is broken,” the boy explained. “I’m lookin for the seal.”

Three little boys went into a candy store. ” I want two cents worth of jelly
beans,” the first boy said to the clerk. The clerk frowned. The jelly beans were
on the top self, and he didn’t like climbing up there just to sell two cents
worth. But he did it. When he came down, he put away his ladder and turned to
the second boy.

“What will you have?” he asked.

“I’ll have two cents worth of jelly beans, too,” said the boy. Angrily, the
clerk got the ladder and climbed up to get the jelly beans. While he was still
up there, he turned to the third boy.

“You don’t want two cents worth of jelly beans, do you?” asked the man.

“No, sir,” answered the third boy. So the man climbed down and put away the
ladder.

“Now, what do you want?” the clerk asked the boy.

“A nickel worth of the jelly beans,” replied the lad.

A frog walks into a bank and says “I wanna loan.”

“Well Mr.. frog, go over there to Mrs. Black’s desk, she is the loan manager, I’m sure she will be happy to talk to you,” The head desk says.

The frog hops over to Mrs. Patty Black’s desk and says, “I wanna loan.”

Mrs. Black says, “Well Mr. Frog, we will have to get some paperwork for you to sign, so if you will wait right here…” At this point the frog pulls out of his knapsack a golden disk and hands it over to her.

She asks, confused, “What is this?”

The frog croaks back, “I wanna loan.” She rubs her head, and walks back to her boss and says, “I don’t get it, a frog hops in here wanting a loan, and gives me this golden disk. Do you know what it is?”

The boss laughs and says, “It’s a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!”

Why do birds fly south for the winter?

Because it’s too far to walk!

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens.”
How did you know?” his mother asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”