Category: little johnny

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One day in the class room the teacher told the class were going to play a moral of the story game.

Instantly Johnny raised his hand, the teacher looked over and thought to herself no I wont pick Johnny he’ll have something to do with sex or swearing, so the teacher picked Betty.

Betty started by saying, “one day I went out to collect the eggs from the chicken coop and dropped them.”

The teacher asked “and what’s the moral to that story?

Betty said “don’t count your chickens before they hatch”.

The teacher looked around the room and deiced alright Johnny.

Johnny started off by saying, “one day my dad was in nam his LT. told him he had to take that hill and hold it at all costs, so my dad sat down pounded a 5th a whiskey ran up the hill and killed everybody.”

The teacher looked up shocked and said, ” alright what’s the moral of that story?”

Johnny simply sat back and said “DON’T FUCK WITH MY DAD WHEN HE’S BEEN DRINKING.”

why did the baby strawberry cry? beacause its mom was stuck in a jam!

Grandpa and granddaugher were sitting talking when she asked, “Did God make you, Grandpa?”

“Yes, God made me,” the grandfather answered.

A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, “Did God make me too?”

“Yes, He did,” the older man answered.

For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind.

At last she spoke up, “You know, Grandpa,” she said, “God’s doing a lot better job lately.”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Two snowmen in a field one says to the other one “I smell carrots”

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, “Don’t worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you.”

The husband was thinking to himself, “Oh no, what has he done now?” and said with trepidation, “Well what did you name them?”

The brother replied, “I named the little girl Denise.”

The husband, relieved, said, “That’s a very pretty name! What did you come up with for my son?”

The brother replied, “Denephew.

How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

Footprints in the butter!

How is a dog’s tail like the center of a tree?

It’s furthest from the bark!

Little Johnny said to his aunt Tess, “My God, you’re ugly, aren’t you!”His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen. “You naughty boy!” she screamed, “How can you say to your aunt that she’s ugly! You go right in and apologize to her! Tell her you’re sorry!”Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, “Aunt Tess, I am sorry you’re so ugly.”

One day, during English class, the teach says, “Who can tell me the meaning of ‘indifferent’?”

The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows.

Finally, Little Johnny sticks up his hand.

The teacher, hesitant, call on him. “Yes, Johnny?”

“Teach, it’s means ‘lovely’.”

Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, “Johnny, can you explain why you think ‘indifferent’ means ‘lovely’?”

“Sure, teach. Last nite when I was in bed, I heard Mom say, ‘That’s lovely. ‘Dad replied to her, ‘Yep, it’s in different.'”

what do you call ray when he got hit by a ten tonne truck?

XRAY…………..

SORRY KIDS

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest:

As you shall make your bed so shall you… mess it up.

Better to be safe than… punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the… bug is close.

It’s always darkest before… daylight savings time.

Never underestimate the power of… termites.

You can lead a horse to water but… how?

Don’t bite the hand that… looks dirty.

No news is… impossible.

A miss is as good as a… Mr.

You can’t teach an old dog new… math.

If you lie down with the dogs, you’ll… stink in the morning.

Love all, trust… me.

The pen is mightier than the… pigs.

An idle mind is… the best way to relax.

Where there’s smoke, there’s… pollution.

Happy the bride who… gets all the presents!

A penny saved is… not much.

Two’s company, three’s… the Musketeers.

Don’t put off tomorrow what… you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and… you have to blow your nose.

None are so blind as… Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not… spanked or grounded.

If at first you don’t succeed… get new batteries.

You get out of something what you… see pictured on the box.

When the blind leadeth the blind… get out of the way.

There is no fool like… Aunt Eddie.