Category: little johnny

There were three babies in a woman’s womb, and they were discussing what they
would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up.
The first one said “I wanna be a plumber.” The others laughed at this, and
asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, “So I can fix the pipes in
here, it’s kinda leaky.”

The second one said “I wanna be an electrician.” The others thought this was
kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, “so I can get some
lights in here, its dark!”

The third one said, “I wanna be a boxer.” The others thought this was
hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, “Why in God’s
name do you want to be a boxer?”

He replied, “So,” he said proudly, “I can beat the hell out of that bald guy
who keeps coming in here and spitting on us.

Little Jonny did not go to school one day. The next day when the teacher asked him why, he said “Our cow was on heat, so I had to take her to the Bull”.

“How disgusting” said the teacher “I am sure your father could have done that”

“No ma’m, he couldn’t have” said the little sod “It has to be the Bull”.

A mother-in-law visits her son-in-law before leaving for a trip.

They are sipping coffee and chatting.

Suddenly, mother-in-law looks at the clock and jumps off her chair exclaiming, “My God! It’s already 3 p.m., I’m about to miss my train!” She begins to put her clothes on in a hurry.

At this moment, the son-in-law’s daughter runs up to her and before he can do anything and announces, “Don’t hurry, granny! Daddy moved the clock two hours ahead!”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

“Well, mum, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a
rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.

“When he got to the Red Sea he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and
all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio
headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and
saved the Israelites.”

“Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked.

“Well, no, mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never
believe it.”

After Christmas break, the teacher asked her small pupils how they spent their holidays.

One small boy’s reply went like this:

We always spent Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarted and they moved to Arizona.

They go to a big building they call a wrecked hall. But if it was wrecked, it is fixed now. They play games there and do exercises, but they don’t do them very well.

There is a swimming pool and they go to it and just stand in the water with their hats on. I guess they don’t know how to swim. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks there. They all go to fastfood restaurants.

As you come into the park, there is a doll house with a man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can’t get out without him seeing them. They wear badges with their names on them. I guess they don’t know who they are.

My Grandma said Grandpa worked hard all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back home, but I guess the man in the doll house won’t let them out.

Little Johnny (that little bugger again!) was being particularly reckless one day. He was playing in the backyard when some honeybees started swirling around, annoying him. He began stomping on them in a temper and his father saw him.

‘That’s it. No honey for you for one month.’

Later, Johnny pondered over some butterflies and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His father again caught him and after a brief moment of thought said, ‘No butter for you for one month.’

Early that evening, Johnny’s mother was cooking dinner and got jumpy when cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the cockroaches were dead.

Johnny’s mother looked up to find Johnny and his father standing there watching her, to which Johnny said, ‘Are you going to tell her, Daddy, or do you want me to?’

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.

Johnny’s hand shoots up. “Not correct, Miss!” he says.

“Please explain, Johnny,” replies the teacher.

“Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the veranda. The neighbors’ Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went “fffff fffff! fffff fffffff! ffffff ffff!”, and before he could say “FUCK OFF!”, the dog ate him!”

Whats the difference between brocoli and boogers?

Kids dont like eat brocoli,they like to eat boogers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.

However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy’s position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”

The boy replies, “Now we run!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

Q. What’s brown and sticky?

A. A stick.

Johnny’s dad walks into the bathroom and sees Johnny scrubbing his dick with a toothbrush. His dad says, �What the hell are you doing!� Johnny says, “There’s no way I’m getting a cavity like my sister”

Mother to teenage daughter:

“The bad news is, we’re moving to a different city. The good news is, your new
school is full of boys who didn’t see you get sick in the cafeteria last month.”