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There were three little babies sitting next to each other in shopping carts in the grocery store check-out line.
The first little baby says, “Ugh, look at this – my mom just bought strained plums!”
The second baby says, “You think that’s bad – my mom just bought strained peas!”
And the third baby says… “You think you guys got it bad?
How would you like to share a breast with a guy that smokes cigars!”
Q: Why do two skunks argue?
A: Because they like to kick up a stink.
What happens when you kill time? You commit murder in the second degree.
HEY SON WHAT ARE YOU DOING?ASKED DAD
IME JUST PLAYING ? SAID SON
PLAYING WITH WHAT?ASKED DAD
IME PLAYING WITH MY PENIS?SAID SON
WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR PENIS?ASKED DAD
JUST MASTRUBATING.SAID SON
CAN I JOIN IN?ASKED DAD
WHAT CAN YOU DO?ASKED SON
I CAN SUCK IT? SAID DAD
SURE I HAVE MY NAKED FRIENDS WITH ME SAID THE 13 YEAR OLD SON
NO PROBLEM, I CAN SUCK ALL OF YOUR COCKS.SAID DAD
HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE ASKED DAD?
JUST 12 FRIENDS SAID SON
When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for. Then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter.
“What are you doing?” his mom asked.
“The box says you can’t eat them if the seal is broken,” the boy explained. “I’m looking for the seal.”
The Sunday School teacher described how Lot’s wife looked back at Sodom and
was turned into a pillar of salt.
Suddenly one child interrupted. “My mom looked back once while she was
driving,” the youngster announced, “and she turned into a telephone pole.”
The little boy comes home from school and asks mom, “Where do babies come from?”
Not wanting to get into the discussion of sex at such an early time she replies, “From the stork of course!”
The little guy thinks for a few seconds and then asks, “But mom, who fucks the stork?”
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes.
When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was
sitting absolutely quiet.
She was shocked and stunned and said, “I’ve never seen anything like this
before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why
are you so well behaved and quiet?”
Finally, after much urging, little Sally spoke up and said, “Well, one time
you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead.”
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her Grade Two class because she realizes Little Johnny’s habit of using sexual innuendo is going to cause some trouble.
Johnny remains attentive throughout the whole class and, finally, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, ‘I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.’
`Very good, William,’ said the teacher.
‘My mummy had a baby,’ said little Esther.
‘Oh, that’s nice,’ replied the teacher.
Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. ‘I was watching TV yesterday and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns.’
The teacher was relieved but puzzled, ‘And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?’
‘It’ll teach those Indians not to f*** with the Lone Ranger.’
A man was doing a study of children’s senses in a first-grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, “What is the flavor, and what color is it?” The children began to say, “Red . . . cherry . . . yellow . . . lemon . . . lime . . . green . . . orange . . . orange.” Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children suck on them for a while, but can’t decipher the taste. “Well,” he said, “I’ll give you a clue. It’s what your mother would call your father.” One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: “Everybody spit it out, they’re assholes!”
Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the teacher singled him out.
“If I gave you $200,” the teacher began, “and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would you have?”
“An orgy,” Johnny answered.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeding motorists but wasn’t getting many. Then he discovered the problem.
A 10-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign that read ‘Radar Trap Ahead’. The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading ‘Tips’ and a bucket full of change.