Category: little johnny

Anna’s mother has 3 kids… the youngest daughter’s name is Penny… the middle daughter’s name is Nickel……. What is the oldest daughter’s name?

You think you know it???

Aww.. a smart one you are! You were probably thinking her name was Dime…. but if you were really smart you would know that the oldest daughters name is Anna!!!

One night little Johnny got up to get a drink of water…. while walking past his parents he was forced to stop and scream daddy daddy what are you doing to mommy.The dad simply replied mmmm� just making your brother Johnny �..go back to bed.The next day when the dad got home from work he found Johnny crying on the stoop ….he asked Johnny what was wrong and Johnny replied oh daddy this morning I saw the mailman trying to eat my new brother

Q. Why did the tomato turn red?

A. It saw the salad dressing!

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.”You’re not allowed to pee in the pool,” said the lifeguard. “I’m going to report you.””But everyone pees in the pool,” said Little Johnny.”Maybe,” said the lifeguard, “but not from the diving board!”

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mic, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mic cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, “If he gets loose, will he hurt us?”

A husband and wife decided they needed to use “code” to indicate that they
wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the
word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, “Go tell
your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter”. The child told her mother what
her dad said, and her mom responded, “Tell your daddy that he can’t type a
letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter.” The child went
back to tell her father what mommy said. A few days later the mom told the
daughter, “Tell daddy that he can type that letter now.” The child told her
father, returned to her mother and announced, “Daddy said never mind with the
typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand.”

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, “I’m Mr. Hudson’s
daughter.” Her mother told her this was wrong, she must just say, “I’m Jane
Hudson.” The minister spoke to her in Sunday school and said, “Aren’t you Mr.
Hudson’s daughter?” She replied, “Well, I thought I was, but mother says I’m
not.”

In the first book of the Bible, Guinness’s, God got tired of creating the
world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but
a ball of fire by night.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which
is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the
Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The Fifth Commandment is to humour thy father and mother. The Seventh
Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the
battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son
to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the
Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of
David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they
do one to you. He also explained, “Man doth not live by sweat alone.”

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles
were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by
profession a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another
name for marriage. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called
monotony.

A young mother was having a consultation with a doctor. As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room – yet she made no attempt to restrain him. Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing. Finally, after an extra-loud crash, the woman casually told the doctor, “I hope you don’t mind my Little Johnny playing in there.” “No, not at all,” said the doctor calmly. “Not at all. I’m sure he’ll calm down as soon as he finds the poison.”

If you went to New York City for vacation and found eggs everywhere, what would the city’s new name be?

New Yolk City!

A Grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning when he had
made her coffee.

She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the
bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said,
“Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?”

Her grandson said, “Grandma, it says on TV-‘The best part of waking up is
soldiers in your cup!'”

A teacher was giving class lessons in morals and asked for examples.Little Mary stood up and said, ‘My father is a chicken farmer and when we collect the eggs each morning, we take more than one basket, so you don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”Very good, Mary,’ said the teacher. ‘Any more morals?’Little Johnny stands up. ‘During the war,’ he says, ‘my Uncle Charlie was alone in a fox-hole with a rifle and a bottle of whisky.”A whole German battalion was approaching him, so he had a big gulp of the whisky and fired all his bullets at the Germans, killing at least 100. He fell back into the fox-hole, took another large swig of whisky and ran out and used his bayonet and rifle butt to kill all the Germans left.”That’s very brave of your uncle,’ said the teacher, ‘but where’s the moral to the story?”Well.’ said Johnny, ‘You don’t f*** around with Uncle Charlie when he’s been on the piss.’