Category: little johnny

A mother enters her daughter’s bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it with trembling hands:

Dear Mom,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m telling you thatI have eloped with my new boyfriend.

I’ll admit I guess I was attracted to him for all the wrong reasons, with all his piercing, tattoos, and his big motorcycle.

I know what we have together is true love, real passion and he is so nice to me.

But not only that Mom, I’m pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods.

He wants to have many more children with me and that’s one of my dreams.

I’ve learned that marijuana doesn’t hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasies we may want.

In the meantime, we’ll pray for the scientists to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it.

Don’t worry Mom, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Just please try to be happy for me.

Some day we’ll visit so you can get to know your grandchildren, I promise.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I’m at the neighbor’s house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my desk drawer…
I love you!

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing

Kid: Mom! Everyone at school says I look like a werewolf!

Mom: Shut up and comb your face!

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

Little Johnny is passing his parents’ bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water.

Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in ‘the act’.

Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims “Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?”

Daddy, relieved that Johnny’s not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees.

Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town.

Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.

Johnny cries out “Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. ‘My name is Billy. What’s yours?’ asked the first boy. ‘Tommy,’ replied the second. ‘My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?’ asked Billy. Tommy replied, ‘My Daddy’s a lawyer.’ ‘Honest?’ asked Billy. ‘No, just the regular kind’, replied Tommy.

Mother Mary held her daughter, 20 minutes under water.

Not to save herself from troubles, but just to see the funny bubbles!

There was a Scottish man, an Irish man and a stupid man one day they came across a magic slide. So if you slide down it and shouted out anything in the world, you would land in that thing, so the Scottish man went down the slide and shouted “lager” and he landed in a pool of lager.

The Irish man went down and shouted “money”. He landed in a pot of money.

The stupid man went down the slide and shouted “Ahhhhh weeeeee”….and I think you know what happened next!!!

One night little Johnny got up to get a drink of water…. while walking past his parents he was forced to stop and scream daddy daddy what are you doing to mommy.

The dad simply replied mmmm� just making your brother Johnny �..go back to bed.

The next day when the dad got home from work he found Johnny crying on the stoop ….he asked Johnny what was wrong and Johnny replied oh daddy this morning I saw the mailman trying to eat my new brother

Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?

1st Child: I came here for a blood test.

2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?

1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.

At this, the second one started crying profusely.

The first one was astonished.

1st Child: Why are you crying now?

2nd Child: I came for a urine test !

Little Johnny was just being potty trained, and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:

1. Unbutton pants.

2. Pull pants down.

3. Pull foreskin back.

4. Pee.

5. Push foreskin forward.

6. Pull pants up and button.

She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny
saying, “1,2,3,4,5,6” and she was thinking she did good.

Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5…

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

A three year old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a
bath.

“Mama,” he asked, “Are these my brains?”

Mama answered, “Not yet……..”

How do you get Pikachu onto a bus?
Pokemon (poke-him-on)

A girl walks into the kitchen and asks her mom, mommy, why is my name Voilet?
the mom answers: because the first thing that fell on your head when you were born was a violot.
then the other girl walks into the kitchen and asks: mommy, why is my name Rose?
the mom answers and said, because the first thing that fell on your head when you were born was a Rose.
then the mom heard moaning in the other room, and she said: SHUT UP FRIDGE!