Category: little johnny

Q; why did the student return its math book?

A: it had to many problems!!!!!

During his Hebrew lesson, little Alan asks his teacher, Where was King
Solomon’s temple, teacher?
�On his forehead.� Replies the teacher.

“An abstract noun,” the teacher said, “is something you can think of, but you can’t touch it. Can you give me an example of one?”

“Sure,” a teenage boy replied. “My father’s new car.”

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Rita.
Rita who?
Rita book, you might learn something.

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police open the door, I’m tired of knocking.

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Henrietta.
Henrietta who?
Henrietta worm that was in his apple.

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Carrie.
Carrie who?
Carrie on with what you’re doing, I’m at the wrong door.

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita drink of water.

Knock! Knock!
Who’s ther?
Dwain.
Dwain who?
Dwain the bathtub, I’m dwrowning.

THER IS A GIRL WHO IS CHECS HER MAILBOX EVERY
5 MINUTS AND THERE IS A BOY ON HIS BELKNY AND
HE IS WATCHING HER AND SHE DOSE IT 4 MORE TIMES AND THE BOY WHENT TO THE GIRL AND SEID
WHY DO YOU COME OUT WHEN YOU KNOW YOU HAVE KNOW MAIL AND SHE SEID BECAUSE MY COMPUTER
IS TELEING ME I HAVE MAIL

A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but when he went to wipe his bum,
there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class, his
teacher asked him what he had in his hands.
“A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he’ll get scared away,” the boy
said. He was then sent to the principal’s office and the principal asked him
what he had in his hands.
“A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.” He was
sent home and his mom asked him what he had in his hands.
“A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.” He was
sent to his room and his dad came in and asked him what he had in his hands.
“A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.” Then his
Dad got really mad and yelled, “Open your hands!”
“Look, Dad. You scared the crap out of him.”

Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, were playing house.
They both decided it was time to get married.

So Little Johnny went to Susie’s dad to ask for her hand in marriage.
“Where will you live?” asked Susie’s dad, thinking this was cute.
“Well,” said Little Johnny, “I figured I could just move into Susie’s room. It’s plenty big for both of us.”

“And how will you live?”
“I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance.
That should be enough.”

Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to know all the answers,
Susie’s dad asked, “And what if little ones come along?”

“Well,” said Little Johnny, “we’ve been lucky so far

A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you…”

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a
5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter
what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy
continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air
Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the
flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken
General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the
boy’s ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother’s hand, and quietly
fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.

As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin
attendants touches his sleeve.

“Excuse me, General,” she asks quietly, “but could I ask you what magic words
you used on that little boy?”

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, “I showed him my pilot’s
wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to
throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose.”

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit.

“Now class, I’m going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I’m talking about.”

“Okay, first: it’s round, plump and red.”

Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered, “An apple.”

The teacher replied, “No, Deborah, it’s a beet, but I like your thinking.”

“Now for the second. It’s soft, fuzzy,and colored red and brownish.”

Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy.

“Is it a peach?” Billy asks. “No, Billy, I’m afraid it’s a potato. But I like your thinking,” the teacher replies.

“Here’s another: it’s long, yellow, and fairly hard.”

By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally.

“A banana,” she says.

“No,” the teacher replies, “it’s a squash, but I like your thinking.”

Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. “Hey, I’ve got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I’ve got it: it’s round, hard, and it has a head on it.”

“Johnny!” she cries. “That’s disgusting!”

“Nope,” answers Johnny, “it’s a quarter, but I like your thinking!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

“That’s an excellent essay for someone your age,” said the English teacher.

“How about for someone my mum’s age, Miss?”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman, curtis and Tantilazing

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The 7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old says, “When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I’ll say ‘hell’ and you say ‘ass’.”

The 4-year-old happily agrees.
As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7-year-old replies, “Aw hell, Mom, I’ll just have some Cheerios.”

The surprised mother reacts quickly and whacks him one. The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother then asks the younger son, “And what would YOU like for breakfast?”

“I don’t know,” the 4-year-old blubbers, “but you can bet your ASS it’s not gonna be Cheerios!”