Tits and boobs

A Girl was in her bed when she hears TITS AND BOOBS! TITS AND BOOBS! so she gets scared and runs into her parents room and asked to sleep with them.

Then she asked what tits and boobs are.

Her mom replys, “coats and hats dear.”

The next day they are having company over and her farther is in the bathroom shaving. He cuts himself and yells, “SHIT!!!”

The girl asked “what does that mean?” and he replys, “shaving cream dear.”

Her mother is downstairs cooking a turkey. She burns the turkey and yells, “FUCK!!!”

The girl asks her, “what does that mean?” and she says “cutting the turkey dear.”

Then the guests arrive and the girl goes and answers the door and says, “Hi my parents are busy rite now. You can put your tits and boobs on the coat hanger. My dads putting shit on his face and my moms fucking the turkey.”

Little Kid’s Books

Little Kid’s Books
‘You Were an Accident’

‘Strangers Have the Best Candy’

‘The Little Sissy Who Snitched’

‘Some Kittens Can Fly!’

‘The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion’

‘How to Dress Sexy for Grownups’

‘Getting More Chocolate on Your Face’

‘Where Would You Like to Be Buried?’

‘Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her’

‘The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Wild Animals of North
Amer Hey! Let’s Go Ride Our Bikes!’

‘All Dogs Go to Hell’

‘The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking’

‘When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer They Say God Did It’

‘Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia’

‘What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?’

‘Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?’

‘Bi-Curious George’

‘Daddy Drinks Because You Cry’

‘Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver’

‘You Are Different and That’s Bad’

‘Why God Burned Down Disney Land’

Sooner…

A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in.
At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

Baby Luv

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE

“One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too.”
Andrew, age 6

“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell … That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.”
Mae, age 9

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.”
Manuel, age 8

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE

“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.”
John, age 9

“If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.”
Glenn, age 7

ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE

“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.”
Anita C., age 8

“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.”
Brian, age 7

“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.”
Christine, age 9

REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE

“Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too.”
Greg, age 8

HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?

“Mooshy … like puppy dogs … except puppy dogs don’t wag their tails nearly as much.”
Arnold, age 10

“All of a sudden, the people get movie fever so they can sit together in the dark.”
Sherm, age 8

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS

“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off because they paid good money for them.”
Gavin, age 8

“They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing.”
John, age 9

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE

“I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when ‘Dinosaurs’ is on television.”
Jill, age 6

“Love is foolish … but I still might try it sometime.”
Floyd, age 9

“Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.”
Dave, age 8

“I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.”
Regina, age 10

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER

“Sensitivity don’t hurt.”
Robbie, age 8

“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.”
Ava, age 8

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

“Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.”
Del, age 6

“Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs … and don’t worry if their parents are right there.”
Manuel, age 8

“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.”
Alonzo, age 9

“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.”
Bart, age 9

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?

“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.”
Bobby, age 9

“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold … Other people care more about the food.”
Bart, age 9

“Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up.”
Sarah, age 9

“See if the man has lipstick on his face.”
Sandra, age 7

“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like how their hearts are… on fire.”
Christine, age 9

TITLES OF THE LOVE BALLADS YOU CAN SING TO YOUR BELOVED

“‘How Do I Love Thee When You’re Always Picking Your Nose?'”
Arnold, age 10

“‘You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.'”
Larry, age 8

“‘I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!'”
Eddie, age 6

“‘I Am in Love with You Most of the Time, but Don’t Bother Me When I’m with My Friends.'”
Bob, age 9

“‘Hey, Baby, I Don’t like Girls but I’m Willing to Forget You Are One!'”
Will, age 7

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY “I LOVE YOU”

“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.”
Michelle, age 9

“Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat.”
Dick, age 7

HOW WAS KISSING INVENTED?

“I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn’t always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses.”
Gina, age 8

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS

“You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls.”
Julia, age 7

“You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.”
Brian, age 7

“It might help to watch soap operas all day.”
Carin, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

“When they’re rich.”
Pam, age 7

“It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you … That’s why I stopped doing it.”
Tammy, age 10

“If it’s your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it’s a new person, you have to ask permission.”
Roger, age 6

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE

“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.”
Dick, age 7

“Don’t forget your wife’s name … That will mess up the love.”
Erin, age 8

“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.”
Dave, age 8

“Don’t say you love somebody and then change your mind … Love isn’t like picking what movie you want to watch.”
Natalie, age 8

Jonnys new radio

Two twins, Donny and Johnny, are asked by their parents what they each would like for their 10th birthday.”I’d like a new bike” says Donny. “Then I could ride around and see everything that happens in the neighborhood”.”And I’d like a radio for my room” says Johnny. “Then I would hear all the news that goes on in town”.So their parents buy them the gifts. Later on that day, Donny is out on his bike when he comes upon a serious car crash. There are bodies and emergency vehicles all over.”I gotta go tell Mom” says Donny, so he races back to the house and shouts “Mom! There’s been a terrible accident!””Yeah, yeah” says his brother, “We heard all about it on my new radio.”Donny is disappointed he could not be first with the news, so he leaves on his bike. A little while later, he comes upon a burning orphanage.”Wow! I gotta go tell Mom.”So he races home again and yells for his Mom, but again Johnny interupts and says “We heard it all on my new radio.”Once again Donny leaves disappointed. He rides and rides until he is out in the country. He sees a big, fat pig all alone in a field, and decides since he appears to be alone, to fuck the pig. He has his first orgasm and is so excited he thinks “I gotta go tell Mom!”He races home and yells “Mom, Mom! I lost my virginity!”His brother says with a sneer, “In a pig’s ass you did!”And Donny says “That FUCKIN’ radio!!!”

Pregnant

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.

She said, “Mommy, you are getting fat!”

I replied, “Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.”

“I know,” she replied, but what’s growing in your butt?”

Submitted by Curtis
Editted by Calamjo

Jonnys Dad

One day in the class room the teacher told the class were going to play a moral of the story game. Instantly Johnny raised his hand, the teacher looked over and thought to herself no I wont pick Johnny he’ll have something to do with sex or swearing, so the teacher picked Betty. Betty started by saying, “one day I went out to collect the eggs from the chicken coop and dropped them.” The teacher asked “and what’s the moral to that story? Betty said “don’t count your chickens before they hatch”. The teacher looked around the room and deiced alright Johnny. Johnny started off by saying, “one day my dad was in nam his LT. told him he had to take that hill and hold it at all costs, so my dad sat down pounded a 5th a whiskey ran up the hill and killed everybody.” The teacher looked up shocked and said, ” alright what’s the moral of that story?” Johnny simply sat back and said “DON’T FUCK WITH MY DAD WHEN HE’S BEEN DRINKING.”