Category: little johnny

Little girl: “Why does your son say, ‘Cluck, cluck, cluck?'”
Mother: “Because he thinks he’s a chicken.”
Little girl: “Why don’t you tell him he’s not a chicken?”
Mother: “Because we need the eggs.”

What do Michael Jackson and a plastic bag have in common ?
Answer : One is white and harmful to children, and the other is a plastic bag.

Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making
dinner.

His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to
tell his mother what he wanted.”Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.”

Little Johny was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Johny’s mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for
his birthday. Little Johnny, of course, thought he did.

Johnny’s mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behavior over the last year and write a letter to God and tell him why he deserved a bike for his birthday.

Little Johnny stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write
God a letter.

LETTER 1:
Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Johnny

Johnny knew this wasn’t true. He had not been a very good boy this
year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

LETTER 2:
Dear God, This is your friend Johnny. I have been a pretty good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Johnny

Johnny knew this wasn’t true either. He tore up the letter and started again.

LETTER 3:
Dear God, I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for my birthday.
Johnny

Johnny knew he could not send this letter to God either . Johnny
was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go
church.

“Just be home in time for dinner”, his mother said.

Johnny walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there.

He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary and slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the
street, into his house, and up to his room.

He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and
a pen. Johnny began to write his letter to God.

LETTER 4:
I’VE GOT YOUR MOM. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed
YOU KNOW WHO

Children Books That Didn’t Make It To The Press:
Children Books You Won’t Eever See…

1…You Are Different and That’s Bad
2…The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3…Dad’s New Wife Robert
4…Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5…Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6…The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
7…Kathy Was So Bad Her Mum Stopped Loving Her
8…Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9…All Cats Go to Hell!
10…The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11…Some Kittens Can Fly.
12…That’s it, I’m Putting You Up for Adoption
13…Grandpa Gets a Casket
14…The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15…Garfield Gets Feline Leukaemia
16…The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17…Strangers Have the Best Candy
18…Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19…You Were an Accident
20…Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21…Pop! Goes The Hamster…And Other Great Microwave Games
22…The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23…Your Nightmares Are Real
24…Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25…Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26…Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27…Places Where Mummy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28…Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

One night there was a loud thunder storm.
As a young boy was being tucked into bed by his mother he asked, Mummy will you sleep in with me?
Giving him a reassuring hug she said,I cant I have to sleep in Daddys room.
After a long moment of silence he muffeled under his breath,
The Big hissy

The children had all been photographed and the teacher was trying to persuade theme each to buy a copy of the group picture…”Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, There is Jennifer, she is a lawyer; or that is Michael, he is a Doctor.”

A small voice in the back of the third grade room ran out, “And there is the teacher, SHE IS DEAD!!!”

Little Johnny: Mom, what kind of bird brings white babies?Mother: Why, a stork, little Johnny.Little Johnny: Mom, what kind of bird brings black babies? Mother: A raven, dear.Little Johnny: Then what kind of bird brings no babies at all?Mother: A swallow!

A MOTHER AND HER FIVE YEAR OLD SON ARE ON THEIR WAY HOME FROM DAYCARE WHEN THE CHILD SEES TWO DOGS IN A FIELD SCREWING. PUZZLED, THE CHILD ASKS THE MOM WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
THE MOM NOT SURE HOW TO ANSWER SAYS THEY ARE BUSY MAKING PUPPIES.

LATER THAT EVENING WHEN EVERYONE IS IN BED MOM AND DAD ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF HAVING SEX. ALL OF A SUDDEN THE YOUNG BOY WALKS IN.

DADDY, HE SAYS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WELL SON HE SAID, YOUR MOM AND I HAVE DECIDED ITS TIME FOR YOU TO HAVE A LITTLE BROTHER OR SISTER.

THE BOY STARTS CRYING AND SAYS, NO DADDY, TURN MOMMY OVER, I’D RATHER HAVE A PUPPY!

“An abstract noun,” the teacher said, “is something you can think of, but you
can’t touch it. Can you give me an example of one?”
“Sure,” a teenage boy replied. “My father’s new car.”

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
—P. J. O’Rourke

A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his
hair. “Don’t be angry at your sister,” the mother says. “She doesn’t realize
that pulling hair hurts.”

A short while later, there’s more crying, and the mother goes to investigate.
This time the sister is bawling, and her brother says, “Now she knows.”

We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town.
Very early the next morning, our 3 1/2 -year-old ran into our bedroom to wake us
up. I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to quit bothering us.
About 20 minutes later, he came running back. “Mommy! Mommy!” he exclaimed,
“everybody has doorbells – and they all work!”