Rejected Childrens Book Titles 2

Rejected Childrens Book Titles 2.0

1.Lets Learn About Jobs:Hookers
2.Ozzy Osbournes guide to a better vocabluary
3.Hitlers Life Story in Excrusiating Detail: FOR KIDS
4.More Four Letter Words that are Fun to Say
5.Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Sadistic Murderer whos primary targets are Mystery Solving Children
6.The Time Where Cindy Was So Bad, Her Mom stopped loving her
7.A Series of Unfortunate Events #17: The One where the youngest child dies
8:Harry Pothead and the Mysterious Bong
9.There once was an old lady who swallowed a fly and then got leukemia
10.101 Monsters that live Underneath your Bed
11.Rugrats All Grown Up: The Time Chucky Found that Mysterious Plant outside

My Dad’s better…

Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.

The first one says, “My daddy is so cool he can eat four burgers at one meal.”

The second one says, “That’s nothing, my daddy can eat six.”

Little Johnny starts laughing and says, “My daddy can eat light bulbs.”

The other two boys tell Johnny that he is out of his mind.

They ask him why he thinks his daddy can eat light bulbs.

Little Johnny replies, “Last night, I was passing my parent’s room and my daddy said, ‘Honey, turn out that light, I want to eat that thing.'”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

The Top 17 Other Teen Bumper Stickers

17> The Guy on My Fake ID Is an Honor Roll Student

16> Hwz My Drvg? Txt Me ;=)

15> I’d rather be downloading porn

14> I totally nailed your honor student daughter last weekend — STILL proud?

13> WWJ.LoD?

12> American by Birth, Goth by the Grace of Lucifer

11> I watch “American Idol”… and I vote!

10> My Teen Is an Honor Student at the Betty Ford Clinic (Osbourne family only)

9> Honk If Your Piercing Infected Your Tattoo

8> How’s my applying-eyeliner-while-balancing-the-wheel-with-my-elbows, talking-to-Felicity-McIntyre-on-my-cell-about-whether-ohmigod!-Jimmy-Anderson-really-likes-me?

7> If You Can See the Zits on My Forehead, You’re Too Close

6> Do Not Tailgate — Your Daughter May Be Under the Steering Wheel

5> They’re called subwoofers, Gramps

4> White Suburban Teen Who Thinks He’s an Inner-City Rapper on Board

3> Am I Hot or Not? Call 1-800-4 R KELLY

2> Objects in Driver’s Sweater Are Larger Than They Appear

1> My Other Parents Let Me Drive Their Porsche

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

Penis and the Windsheild

A couple are driving along the freeway and the husband, who is driving, is complaining about everything … the heat, the long drive, the bad drivers, the country, etc … and his wife is getting tired of his depressing talk. So she says to him: “One more complaint and I’ll cut your penis off with my pen-knife”.

About half an hour later, he starts complaining again, and before he could blink his wife pulls out her knife, slices the guy’s dick off, and throws it out the window.

Driving behind the couple’s car is a family of three : husband, wife, and a 8 year old daughter. The penis lands on their car’s windshield, and the father, in an absolute panic (as he doesn’t want his daughter to see the penis), quickly turns on the windshield wipers (to get the dick off the windshield, and out of view of his daughter).

The observant daughter asks: “Daddy, what was that?”
Her father, still in a panic, says, “Oh it was only a…..uh……..butterfly”.
“Must’ve been a big butterfly,” replied the daughter…
“Did you see the size of it’s dick!

5 Fun Things For Professors To Do

1.Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2. After confirming everyone’s names on the roll, thank the class for
attending “Advanced Astrodynamics 690” and mention that yesterday was the last
day to drop.
3. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream, “MY
PACEMAKER!”
4. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding
crop.
5. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student
and scream, “YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?”

Left-handed Wonder

Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after particularly
trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother
decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all
night and everything was beautiful.

His grandmother remarked…”doesn’t it look like an artist painted this
scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?

Bobby said, “Yes, God did it and he did it left handed.”

This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him “What makes you say God
did this with his left hand?”

“Well,” said Bobby, “we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on
God’s right hand!”

Buying Dumbells

Somewhat skeptical of his son’s newfound determination to become the next Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department.
“Please, Dad,” whined the boy, “I promise I’ll use them every day.”

“I don’t know, Michael. It’s really a big commitment on your part,” the father pointed out.

“Please, Dad?”

“They’re not cheap either.”

“I’ll use them Dad, I promise. You’ll see.”

Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door.

From the corner of the store he heard his son yell, “What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?!”