Category: little johnny

Baby Jim: Mommy, does God use our toilet?

Mom: No Jim, what made you ask?

Baby: Every morning, Daddy goes up to the toilet and says: “Oh God!
Are you still in there!

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

Q. how do u make ice scream

A. u put ice in a bowl and u scream in it

Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared.

He goes into his mother’s room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror.

She is rubbing her chest and groaning, “I want a man, I want a man.”

Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory takes off to bed.

Next night the same thing happens. On the third night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his mom’s room but this time there is a man in bed with his mom.

Gregory hoofs back to his room and whips off his pyjamas, rubs his chest and groans ” I want a bike, I want a bike.”

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into Heaven?” The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'”

Yesterday my daughter and I drove to the babysitters house to pick up my two-year old son. We were about to get in the car to go home when I noticed a baby birds in a nest in a nearby bush.

I gently picked up one of the birds to show my daughter and my son. “See? It’s a baby,” I said, trying to calm down my son, who was scared of the little bird.

“I don’t want a baby, I don’t want a baby,” he was saying.

“He sounds just like his father,” my daughter replied!

What did the rain cloud where under his rain coat?

Answer: Thunder wear!

I took my young son to the doctor for a routine physical.

All the way I had to reassure him that he would not be getting a shot.

He went through his eye exam, hearing test, etc.

The nurse came into the exame room and started to ask me routine questions.

When she got to “Is he allergic to anything” my four year old son stood up and said…

“YES, I’m allergic to shots!”

Daughter: I want the latest Disney princess video.

Mother: What’s it called?

Daughter: “Each sold separately.”

Teacher: Okay class. Time for a pop quiz. Little Girl (7th grade) Oh. Your quizzes are hard.Teacher: (Playing with the word quiz) My little quizzees aren’t hard.Little Girl: If you’re quizzees aren’t hard, I hate to see your testees.

A 4-year-old boy was asked to give the meal blessing before Christmas dinner.

The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one.

Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food.

He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.

Then he paused, and everyone waited, and waited.

After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, “If I thank God for the broccoli, won’t he know that I’m lying?”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Little Johnny is visiting the zoo with his mother. They go to the elephant exhibit, where a big old bull elephant is taking a leak. Johnny points to the pachyderm’s privates and says, “Mommy, what’s that?”

Mommy, seeing the huge member, turns bright red and says, “Oh, that’s nothing. Never mind. Come along now.”

A few weeks later, Johnny is at the zoo with his father. Johnny grabs his dad by the hand, and pulls him over the elephants, saying he has a question. Once there, Johnny points to the elephant’s member and says, “Daddy, what’s that?”

Dad replies, “Didn’t your mother tell you?”

“Yes, she told me it was nothing.”

“Well, your mom is spoiled, son.”