Category: little johnny

Baby Jim: Mommy, does God use our toilet?

Mom: No Jim, what made you ask?

Baby: Every morning, Daddy goes up to the toilet and says: “Oh God!
Are you still in there!

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

Q. how do u make ice scream

A. u put ice in a bowl and u scream in it

Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared.

He goes into his mother’s room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror.

She is rubbing her chest and groaning, “I want a man, I want a man.”

Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory takes off to bed.

Next night the same thing happens. On the third night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his mom’s room but this time there is a man in bed with his mom.

Gregory hoofs back to his room and whips off his pyjamas, rubs his chest and groans ” I want a bike, I want a bike.”

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into Heaven?” The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'”

What did the rain cloud where under his rain coat?

Answer: Thunder wear!

Yesterday my daughter and I drove to the babysitters house to pick up my two-year old son. We were about to get in the car to go home when I noticed a baby birds in a nest in a nearby bush.

I gently picked up one of the birds to show my daughter and my son. “See? It’s a baby,” I said, trying to calm down my son, who was scared of the little bird.

“I don’t want a baby, I don’t want a baby,” he was saying.

“He sounds just like his father,” my daughter replied!

Daughter: I want the latest Disney princess video.

Mother: What’s it called?

Daughter: “Each sold separately.”

I took my young son to the doctor for a routine physical.

All the way I had to reassure him that he would not be getting a shot.

He went through his eye exam, hearing test, etc.

The nurse came into the exame room and started to ask me routine questions.

When she got to “Is he allergic to anything” my four year old son stood up and said…

“YES, I’m allergic to shots!”

Teacher: Okay class. Time for a pop quiz. Little Girl (7th grade) Oh. Your quizzes are hard.Teacher: (Playing with the word quiz) My little quizzees aren’t hard.Little Girl: If you’re quizzees aren’t hard, I hate to see your testees.

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day.

All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.

He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!”

The teacher replied, “Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’

Please use the word ‘urinate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.”

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, “You’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten!!!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

A couple days after twin brothers, Jimmy and Tommy turned 7, they decided they were older and that they could start swearing. So one morning the went down to breakfast, and Mom asks Jimmy what do you want for breakfast dear? and Jimmy replies I want some damn cheerios, woman! and Mom got very angry and sent him to his room. Tommy started feeling kind of uneasy about this happening. Sighing, Mom asks Tommy what he would like, and he replies with a very serious look on his face, DEFINITELY NOT THE FUCKIN CHEERIOS!