Category: little johnny

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

“I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE…
I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO…
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR…”

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.” To which the little brother replied, “No, but Gramma is!”

a little girl was in the barbers eating a cake the barber says youll get hair on your muffin the little girl says yes and i will get tits to

The kids filed back into class Monday morning.

They were very excited. Their weekend
assignment was to sell something,
then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Mary led off, “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “my sales approach
was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

“Very good,” said the teacher.

Little Sally was next, “I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events.”

“Very good, Sally,” said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of
the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said.

“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”

“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.

“Toothbrushes?” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample.

They all said the same thing.
“Hey, this tastes like s**t!” Then I would say, ” It is, wanna buy a toothbrush?”

Yo mamma so poor when I ring the doorbell she pops out the window and goes ding dong

While she was eating her locks hen pudding, little Judith�s mum says to her,
�Do you know what cries and wobbles, darling?�
�No, mum.�
�A jelly baby.�

What is a blonde?
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A redhead with the fire f***ed out of her!!!

Q:What do you call a fly with no wings?
A:A walk!

How did Moses part the Red Sea?

With a seesaw!

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the three little pigs
to her class. she came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying
to accumulate the building materials for his home. she read, “…and so the pig
went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, ‘pardon me sir,
but may i have some of that straw to build my house?'” the teacher paused then
asked the class, “and what do you think that man said?” one little boy raised
his hand and said, “i know”..he said ‘holy s***! a talking pig!'”

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror.

Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

When I stopped the bus to pick up little five year old Chris for pre-school, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house.

“Is that your grandmother?” I asked Chris when he boarded.

“Yes,” Chris said. “She’s come to visit us for Christmas.”

“How nice,” I said. “Where does she live?”

“At the airport,” Chris replied.

“Whenever we want her we just go out there and get her.”

A woman was driving her old beat up car on the highway with her 7 year old son.

She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her.

After getting caught in a large group of cars flying down the road, she looked at her speedometer to see she was doing 15 miles over the speed limit.

Slowing down, she moved over to the side and got out of the clump that soon left her behind.

She looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car.

Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car. As he did he said, “Ma’am do you know why I pulled you over?”

Her son piped up from the back seat, “I do… because you couldn’t catch the other cars!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo