Category: little johnny

What did the mexican fire fighter and his wife call their new twins?

Hose A and Hose B!!!!

15> Everybody gets a stogie but you.

14> You suspect Mom has been breastfeeding Dad behind your back, but you can’t prove it.

13> Bouncing, bouncing, always with the bouncing!

12> “Hey, *you’re* the one eating the garlic salami, don’t you dare complain about how *I* smell!”

11> Two boobs, but only one mouth.

10> No more “new womb” smell.

9> Milk, milk, milk, milk, milk! You can’t throw one lousy ribeye in a blender?

8> Mohels with a bad case of the shakes.

7> Mommy’s implants, while apparently essential to Daddy’s happiness, are seriously impeding your breakfast.

6> Hanging out at hotels is scary. (Michael Jackson’s newborns only)

5> My body, *MY* foreskin!

4> “The bough breaks and… they fall down? THEY ALL FALL DOWN?!? No wonder I can’t sleep!”

3> You’re still *months* from figuring out how to grab your private bits.

2> Losing that cool swept-back alien skull look after the first week.

1> Every time you finally get your diaper just the way you want it, some idiot comes along and changes it.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDRENBy a Weary Father- There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.- A 4 year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.- It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.- Baseballs make marks on ceilings.- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.- When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.- A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.- The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.- When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it’s already too late.- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.- A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.- A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.- If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak — it explodes.- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.- Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.- Duplos will not.- Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.- Super glue is forever.- McGyver can teach us many things we don’t want to know.- Ditto Tarzan.- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.- VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.- You probably do not want to know what that odor is.- Always look in the oven before you turn it on.- Plastic toys do not like ovens.- The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.- It will however make cats dizzy.- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.- Quiet does not necessarily mean don’t worry.- A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).

Three boys were waiting for the bus. The first one says, ” I have my grandma’s eyes.” The second says, “I have my mothers hair.” The third says, “I have my father’s pants!”

Why were the Scouts so tired on April 1?

Because they had just finished a 31 day March!

The teacher said to her class, �Does anyone know what is white when it’s dirty
and black when it’s clean?�
Little Sarah put up her hand and said, �It�s a blackboard, miss.�

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, “I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.”Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, “I’m Jane Sugarbrown.”The Preacher spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, “Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?”She replied, “I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.”

i make poopie u buat lickers

Which cat can you not trust?

a Cheet-ah

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches
the boy and says, “Hey Tommy, wanna play house?”
He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”
The girl replies, “I want you to communicate your thoughts.”
“Communicate my thoughts?” said a bewildered Tommy. “I
have no idea what that means.”
The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”

Little Jonny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do.The shrink said, ‘Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Luke what he wants Santa to bring him. If He cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gifts or gifts he requests.’Two days before Christmas, Luke’s father asked him what he wanted for Christmas. ‘I want a damn teddy bear laying right beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage.’On Christmas morning, little Luke woke up and rolled over into a pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw another pile under the tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage.When Luke walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, ‘What did Santa bring you this year?’Luke replied, ‘I think I got a dog but I can’t find the son-of-a-bitch!’

your dads tits are so fat I thought he was a girl