Category: little johnny

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, “Mommy, I got five
dollars!” The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five
dollars from.
The little girl replied: ”Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for
doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter: “Don’t you know that Tommy is just trying to see
your panties.”
”OOOOhhhh” said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, “Mommy, I
got ten dollars. The mother asked, “Where did you get the ten dollars from?”
The little girl replied, “Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing
a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed.”
The mother replied: “Didn’t I tell you that he is…”
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ”Wait Mommy! I tricked
him, I didn’t wear any panties today.”

Q. Why did the male sheep fall off the cliff?

A. He didn’t see the Ewe turn!

Little Johnny’s mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day.

She took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, “Johnny, this is where you come from.”

Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting that all his friends now refer to him as “Lucky Johnny.”

“Why?” one asked.

Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, “Because I came this close to being a little shit.”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Son:”Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?”

Father: “Sure son. What’s the question?”

Son: “What is politics?”

Father: “Well, let’s take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let’s call me “Capitalism”. Your mother is the administrator of money, so we’ll call her “Government”. We take care of your needs, so we’ll call you “The People”. We’ll call the maid “The Working Class”, and your baby brothe we can call “The Future”.

“Do you understand, Son?”

Son: “I’m not really sure, Dad. I’ll have to think about it”.

That night, awakened by his baby brother’s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parent’s room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid’s room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

The next morning he reported to his father. “Dad, now I think I understand what politics is”.

Father: “Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?”

Son: “Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit”.

A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled her in Catholic school in the hopes of improving her math grades.

During the first marking period, her mother noticed a dramatic improvement in her math studies.

The girl would refuse playing with friends and eating dessert after dinner in order to study more.

On report card day, her mother was astonished to see that her daughter got an A+ in math.

She asked her daughter, “Why the sudden change of attitude about math — do the nuns punish you?”

The girl replied, “No, but when I saw the little man on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school is very serious about math!”

Never trust a dog to watch your food. When your dad is mad and asks you, ‘Do I look stupid?’ don’t answer. Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. Stay away from prunes.Never pee on an electric fence. Don’t squat with your spurs on.Don’t pull dad’s finger when he tells you to. When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. Don’t sneeze in front of mum when you’re eating crackers. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic-Tac. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she’s on the phone. Never try to baptize a cat.

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”

“None,” replied Johnny, “because the rest would fly away.”

“Well, the answer is four,” said the teacher. “But I like the way you are thinking.”

Little Johnny said, “I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?”

“Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone?”

“No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking.”

Submitting by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls
have babies?”
“No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends,
“It’s okay, we can play that game again!”

Dirty Ernie was sitting in his second grade class when he looked out the window and saw two dogs screwing in the school yard. He jumped up and hollered, “Hey, everyone! look at that!” The teacher ran to the window and pulled the blind. A little girl in the front row said, “Teacher, what was those two dogs doing? The teacher said that the dog on top had a broken leg, and the dog on the bottom was helping him get home. Dirty Ernie then said, “Teacher, ain’t that just like life, you try to help someone out and end up getting screwed?”

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit.Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, “If you don’t stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon.”Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, “Uh-oh .. I know what you’ve been doing.”

A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

“Mommy,” she said, “can we leave now?”

“No” her mother replied.

“Well, I think I’m gonna be sick, Momma!”

“Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and then behind a bush.” After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.

“Were you sick?” her mom asked.

“Yes.”

“How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?”

“I didn’t have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, ‘For the Sick’.”

There was a little black boy and a little white boy sitting on the corner bragging about their dads. The little black boy said My daddy just bought a big black shiny cadillac and when he honks the horn it says HONKY, HONKY. The little white boy said That aint nothing. My daddy just bought a big red shiny chainsaw and when he turns it on it says RUUUNNN NIGGER, NIGGER,NIGGER, RUUUNNN NIGGER, NIGGER, NIGGER!