Category: little johnny

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

He didn’t have the guts!

The Father, passing thru the son’s college town late one night on a business
trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy.
Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door.

After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second
floor window. “Whaddya want?”

“Does Jimmy Duncan live here?” asked the father.

�? Yeah!” replied the voice. “Dump him on the front porch and we’ll take care
of him in the morning.”

After my 11 year old son did something really dumb, I called him a “moron.” He looked at he like he was saying,
“Dad, do you know anything?”

He finally said “Dad I looked ‘moron’ up in the dictionary and the definition of it is ‘a person who has the intelligence of a 12 year old.’ Thanks Dad, you just gave me a compliment!”

On the first day of school, a 3rd grade teacher told her class: “Now that you are grown up, I don’t want to hear anymore baby talk. I’d like each of you to tell us what you did during the summer vacation. We’ll start with Billy.”
Billy: I went on a long trip with my family in the putt-putt.

Teacher: No, Billy, it’s not a putt-putt. It’s a car. No more baby talk. Sally, you’re next.

Sally: We went on a trip on a choo-choo to see Grandma.

Teacher: Sally, it’s not a choo-choo. It’s a train. Please no more baby words. Mikey, what did you do?

Mikey: I didn’t go anywhere. I stayed home and read my favorite book.

Teacher: And what’s the name of the book.

Mikey looked embarrassed and shook his head.

Teacher: Come on, Mikey. You’re a big boy now. Tell us the name of the book and don’t use any baby talk.

Mikey looked up, blushed, and said: O.K. ….. Winne-the-Shit!

what is a valcano? A Mountain with the hiccups!!

A little boy gets lost in a department store, and gets taken to security,and is asked:”wots your mummy like?”Boy replies:
“lots of vodka and big dicks”

A 17-year-old girl had just gotten her driver’s license and offered to take her mom’s car to the gas station. She pulled up to the full-service pumps, and the attendant asked, “What grade, miss?”

“Eleventh!” she replied.

(Did I mention she was also Blonde?)

Little Sarah was telling her best friend Naomi that her teacher’s eyes are
always crossed.
�Why is that?� asked Naomi.
�Because she can�t control her pupils.�

Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town all week and said, “Mommy, guess what? Yesterday, I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady from next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and then Daddy got on top of her and -”

The mother held up her hand and said, “Not another word! Wait until your father gets home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you’ve just told me.”

The father comes home and the wife tells him that she’s leaving him.

“But why?” croaks the husband.

“Go ahead, Johnny, tell Daddy just what you told me.”

“Well,” said little Johnny, “I was playing in your closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and they did just what you did, Mommy, with Uncle Bob when Daddy was away last summer!”

“Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.”
“The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.”

“The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote The Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radium.”

Why did Snoop Dogg have an umbrella?

For drizzle

The teacher asked her students if anyone knew the answer to 2+2, they had three tries or they would not get recess. The first kid said “Uh, 14? “No,” the teacher said. The second kid said “3.8” “Not quite” the teacher said. Finally the third kid said “That’s easy, 4” “Yes, you all get recess now”. At the playground the kids asked how did he know the answer and he said “It’s all about the Kidneys!” as he pointed to his head.