Category: little johnny

My 10 year old daughter keeps coming into the bedroom every night and tells me that she is scared…

Today I bought 25 shine in the dark eyes at a hobby shop and glued them to her bedroom wall after she was asleep!!!!

Stay tuned… eh?

When his wife gave birth to a healthy baby, a proud father went in to work and told everybody that he has a 10Kg healthy son.

After hearing what was going on, the wife tells the father to quit telling everybody that the baby is 10Kg because he’s only 4 Kg.

Next day at work, the father comes in and tells everyone that the baby is only 4 Kg.

“What do you mean, he was 10 yesterday?”
“Umm, well that was before he got circumcised”.

you so poor I walked in the front door and out the back.

A seven year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher:

Teacher: Morning Tommy, and why weren’t you at school yesterday?

Tommy: Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt.

Teacher: Oh Dear, he wasn’t too badly hurt I hope?

Tommy: Oh yes Miss, they don’t fuck around at those crematoriums.

Real Mothers . . .

Real Mothers don’t eat quiche; they don’t have time to makeit.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried playdough doesn’t come out of shag carpets.

Real Mothers don’t want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.

Real Mothers sometimes ask “why me?” and get their answer when a little voice says, “because I love you best.”

Real Mothers know that a child’s growth is not measured by height or years or grade . . . It is marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy to Mom.

A farmer is helping a cow give birth when he notices his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, witnessing the entire thing.

�Dammit,� the man says to himself. �Now I�m going to have to explain the birds and the bees.� Not wanting to jump the gun, the man decides to wait and see if his son asks any questions.

After everything is finished, the man walks over to the boy and asks, �Well, son, do you have any questions?�

�Just one,� the child says. �How fast was that calf going when it hit that cow?�

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

Little Johnny is passing his parents’ bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims “Oh, boy! Horsy ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?”

Daddy, relieved that Johnny’s not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.

Johnny cries out “Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!”

From Reader’s Digest, June 1992:

I grew up in a non-musical family; only one of our five siblings can even carry a tune.

So, I’ve restricted my singing to private places like the bathtub or the car. But one night, I softly sang a lullaby to my nine-month-old baby.

After the first verse, he sweetly looked into my eyes, removed the pacifier from his mouth and placed it in mine.

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.”

“How did you know that?” his mother asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied.
“I think it’s printed on the bottom!”

There was these three people a Canidan, a Newfoundlander and a Chineese man. They had to try to take it half way around the world with it using the bathroom. The Canidan did not do it. The Newfoundlander did not do it. The Chineese did it. The person asked him how he did it. He said Me Chineese me no dumb me stick finger up his bum.

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.
I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year old again.

I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible.

I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again. I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So….here’s my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you’ll have to catch me first, cause, “Tag! You’re It!”

The Father, passing thru the son’s college town late one night on a business
trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy.
Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door.

After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second
floor window. “Whaddya want?”

“Does Jimmy Duncan live here?” asked the father.

�? Yeah!” replied the voice. “Dump him on the front porch and we’ll take care
of him in the morning.”