Category: little johnny

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because I am not an American” Kristen replies. “Then,” asks the teacher, “what are you?” “I’m a proud Canadian,” boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian. “Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I’m a Canadian too.” The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?” A pause, and a smile, “Then,” says Kristen, “I’d be an American.”

What is black and white and red all over?
A panda bear with diaper rash!

A few days ago, a mother was working in the kitchen and listening to her son playing with his new electric trains in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now because this is the last stop. All of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the train now, because we’re leaving.”

The mother went into the living room and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now go to your room for two hours. When you calm down, you may play with your trains as long as you use proper language.”

Two hours later, the mother was still working in the kitchen when her son came out of his room and resumed playing with his trains. The train stopped and the mother heard, “All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take your belongings. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.

For those just boarding, we ask that you stow your hand luggage under the seat and we hope you enjoy your trip. For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen!”

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade
them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to
look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a
lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.'”

A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher;
she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”.

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day.

It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.

Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?”

“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.”

“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for 3 days.”

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.

Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.

She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny Billy?”

“Well miss, I just saw both of your garters.”

Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!” This time the punishment is more severe, “I don’t want to see you for 3 weeks.”

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up.

This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student.

She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

“Where do you think you are going?” she asks.

To which Little Johnny replies, “Well Miss, from what I just saw, my school days are over.”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

A new teacher is trying to make use of her Psychology courses. She starts her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up.”

After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Johnny?”

“No, ma’am,” he says, “but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself.”

A little girl asks her mum,
‘Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?’

Mum says,
‘No, because the dog is in heat.’

‘What’s that mean?’ asks the child.

‘Go ask your Father. I think he’s in the garage’.

The little girl goes to the garage and says.
‘Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mum but she said the dog was in heat and that I should ask you.’

Dad says,
‘Bring Susie over here.’ He takes a rag, soaks it with gasoline, and scrubs the dog’s rear with it and says, ‘OK, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go onetime around the block.’

The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Dad says, ‘Where’s Susie”‘

The little girl says,
‘Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block and there’s another dog pushing her home.’

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3-year-old daughter.The mother said, “What does the cow say?”The child answered, “Moo!”The mother then said, “Great! What does the cat say?”The child replied, “Meow.”The mother exclaimed, “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?”The wide-eyed little 3-year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, “Bud.”

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand.

The teacher says “See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?”

Sally holds up her hand and asks “is it a giraffe?”

“Very good Sally,” the teacher replies.

Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up thier hands. “See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?”

Billy holds up his hand and says “it’s a zebra.”

“Very good Billy,” the teacher replies.

Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal. “See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?”

Still no one guesses. “Let me give you another hint, it’s something your mother calls your father.”

Johnny shouts out “I know what it is, it’s a horny bastard!”

-How do you get down from an elephant?
You don’t. You get down from a duck.

-Why did the elephant paint himself all different colors?
So he could hide in the crayon box.

-Why do elephants have wrinkles?
Because they are so hard to iron.

-Why did the elephant put skates on before he went to bed?
Because he wanted to get rolling in the morning.

-Why can’t an elephant ride a tricycle?
Because it doesn’t have a thumb to ring the bell.

-Why do elephants wear sunglasses?
So no one will recognize them.

-Why are elephants such poor dancers?
Because they have two left feet.

-What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?
Time to get a new fence.

-Why can’t elephants go swimming at the beach?
Because they can’t keep their trunks up.

your so fat you went in the ocean and every body yelled tsuanami.

Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen
by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She
gave him the words ‘defeat’, ‘deduct’, ‘defence’ and ‘detail’. Jack stood
seriously for awhile with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply.

“Defeat of Deduct went over defence before detail!”