Category: little johnny

A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, “Who is the guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair?”
“That’s your father.”

“Then who’s that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?”

Three children pass a lit, open window and look in.”Look, look,” says the 4 year old, “there is a couple in bed there and they are wrestling.””No, no,” says the 5 year old, “they are making love.”And the 6 year old chimes in: “And badly.”

Q: When driving through fog what should you use?

A: Your car!

what did did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

dam

There are two little brothers, one is seven and the other is four. The seven year old convinces the four year old that they are old enough to swear now. He tells the four year old, “When we go downstairs, I will say, “Hell” and you say “ass”.

The four year old agrees. When they get downstairs, the Mother ask the seven year old, “What do you want for breakfast?”

Seven year old, “Oh, hell, I’ll just have some Cheerios.”

Well, Mother slaps the crap out of him and sends him to his room.

Then, she turns to the four year old — “What do you want for breakfast?”

The four year old is wide-eyed and says, “I’m not sure, but you can bet your ass it’s not going to be Cheerios!”

A little boy and girl where sitting in the sand pit naked. The little girl looks down at the boy and points to his penis and says “What’s that?”.

“I don’t know” says the little boy. He to looks down at the little girl and asks “Whats that?”

“I don’t know.” says the little girl.

They both went home later on and the little girl says to her mum. “Mummy, whats this?”

The mother replies, “That’s your pink gararge, and no red Ferrari is alowed to park in there.”

The little boy gets home and goes up to his dad and says, “Daddy, whats this?”

The father replies “Why that’s your red Ferrari and you can park it in as many pink garage’s as you feel like.”

The next day the little girl and boy were playing in the sand pit naked again and the little girl ask the little boy “Whats that?”

And the little boy says “This is my red Ferrari and I can park it in as many pink garages as I feel like.” The little boy then asks the little girl.

“What’s that?” and the little girl replies “This is my pink garage and no red Ferrari’s are allowed to park in here.”

Later on the little girl went home and her mother was shocked when she saw blood all over her hands.

“What happened?” asked her mum.

The little girl replied “A red Ferrari tried to park in my pink garage so I pulled it’s back wheels off.”

Submitted by Admin
Edited by Calamjo

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother
in the doctor�s office.

He inquisitively ask the lady, “Why is your stomach so big?”
She replied, “Im having a baby.”

With big eyes, he asked, “Is the baby in your stomach?”
She said, “He sure is.”

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, “Is it a good baby?”
She said, “Oh, yes. It’s a real good baby.”

With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked…
“Then why did you eat him?”

i called 666 and the police came upside down!

Dr Seuss explains computers:

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash,
Then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot it,
and let it go out with a bang,
‘Cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang.

When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk,
And the micro-code instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to ram your ROM,
So quickly turn off your computer and go and tell your mum!

A kid had been fooling around with fireworks in his back yard. He ran in through the back door loudly proclaiming, ” Mum, Mum, I just stuck a Roman Candle up a duck’s ass”

His mother, dismayed with this turn of phrase corrects the child. “Rectum dear, rectum.”

The boy responded, “Wrecked ‘im? Nearly blew his fucking head off!”

Submitted by Admin
Edited by Tracy

Little Johnny said to his aunt Tess, “My God, you’re ugly, aren’t you!”His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen. “You naughty boy!” she screamed, “How can you say to your aunt that she’s ugly! You go right in and apologize to her! Tell her you’re sorry!”Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, “Aunt Tess, I am sorry you’re so ugly.”

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
–Age 15

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
–Age 13

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president’s birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.
–Age 8

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.
–Age 10

Home is where the house is.
–Age 6

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
–Age 13

I often wonder how come John Tesh isn’t as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then, I remember it’s because he sucks.
–Age 15

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out.
–Age 6

My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth–that most of us go to hell and burn eternally –but I didn’t want to upset him.
–Age 10

I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one’s right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.
–Age 15

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.
–Age 5

I once heard the voice of God. It said “Vrrrrmmmmm.” Unless it was just a lawn mower.
–Age 11

I don’t know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died.
–Age 13

I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I’ve found my dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff. Dog people sure don’t have a sense of humor.
–Age 14

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you’ll have a couple of days saved up.
–Age 7

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
–Age 15

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there.
–Age 5

Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that’s five more than the biggest number you could come up with!
–Age 6

The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe “Don’t you think it is about time you audited my return?” or “Isn’t it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?”
–Age 15

Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it’s not like he really needed them, right?
–Age 15

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.
–Age 15