Category: little johnny

Q: What do you get if you cross LSD with birth control?
A: A trip without the kids.

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed by.

Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog.

The children started discussing what the dog’s duties might be.

“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.

“No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.”

A third child concluded, “No, silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis and yisman

The teacher in Johnny’s school asked the class what their parents did for a living. One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer. When it was Little Johnny’s turn, he stood up and said “My mom’s a whore.”

Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal’s office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned. So the teacher asked “Did you tell the principal what you said in class?”

Johnny said “Yes”

“Well, what did the principal say?”

He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me an apple and asked for my phone number.”

Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
A: Hello, hello.

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

“Wow!,” said her father, “That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?”

“Wrong number,” replied the girl.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

A school teacher asks her class, “What vegetable makes your eyes water?”

Little Johnny replies, “A turnip, miss.”

“No Johnny,” says the teacher, “I believe you are thinking of an onion, aren’t you?”

“No miss,” says Little Johnny, “have you never been hit in the balls with a turnip?”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

A child came home from his first day at school.His Mother asked: ‘Well, what did you learn today?’The kid replied: ‘Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow.’

Little Johnny: Mom, what kind of bird brings white babies?

Mother: Why, a stork, little Johnny.

Little Johnny: Mom, what kind of bird brings black babies? Mother: A raven, dear.

Little Johnny: Then what kind of bird brings no babies at all?

Mother: A swallow!

Three men are sitting next to eachother on an airplane. One japanese,one spanish,and one american. First they fly over Japan. The japanese guy says I love my country. So he flicks out a dime. Then they fly over Spain. The spanish guy says I love my country. So he flicks out a nickel. Last they fly over America. The american guy says I hate my country. So he flicks out a grenade.
When the japanese guy was driving home he saw a kid crying in the street. He asked the kid whats wrong? My mommy got hit in the head with a dime and died. When the spanish guy was driving home he saw a kid crying in the steet. He asked the kid whats wrong? My daddy got hit in the head with a nickel and died. When the american guy was driving home he saw a kid laughing in the street. He asked the kid whats so funny? When I farted my whole school blew up!

Little Johnny got on a bus and sat down next to a man. He noticed that the man had a strange kind of shirt collar, so he asked him, “Excuse me, sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?”The man smiled kindly and answered, “I wear this collar because I am a father.”Little Johnny thought a second and responded, “Sir, I have a father, but he wears his collar the other way around. Why do you wear your collar so differently?”The priest thought for a minute, and said, “I am the Father for many.”Little Johnny quickly answered, “My father, too, is the father of many. He has four sons, four daughters and many grandchildren. But he wears his collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear yours backwards?”The priest, flustered, said impatiently, “I am the Father for hundreds and hundreds of people.”Little Johnny sat silently for a long time. As he got up to leave the bus, he leaned over to the priest and said, “Mister, maybe you should wear your pants backwards.”

A salesman rang the bell at a suburban home, and the door was opened by a nine year old boy puffing on a long black cigar. Hiding his amazement, the salesman asked the young man, “Is your Mother or Father at home?”

The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes on the carpet, and asked, “What do you think?”

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body
part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, “You should not
be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and
they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part
increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”

Little Mary’s mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she
going to get in big trouble!”

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part
that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”

Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued, “As
for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

One, you have a dirty mind,
Two, you didn’t read your homework, and
Three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”