Category: little johnny

�Daddy,� says little Sarah, �Can you buy me a budgie?�
�Not now, darling,� he replies, �now is not the right time.�
�So when is the right time to buy a budgie, Daddy?� Sarah asks.
�When they’re going cheap,� replies Daddy

Little Johnny and his dad went shopping at the grocery store. Walking down an aisle, Johnny asked his dad if he could have a box of Lucky Charms. His dad said,” Well, Johnny, can you touch your asshole with your dick?”Johnny said, “No!!”Johnny’s dad said, “Well, there’s your answer.”Later, Johnny asked if he could have Spagettios. His dad, again, said, “Can you touch your asshole with your dick?”Johnny said, “No!!”His dad said, “Well, there’s your answer.”At the end of the shopping trip, Johnny’s dad felt bad about how he had talked to Johnny, so he bought him an instant lottery ticket. Johnny scratched the ticket and found that he won $1,000!!!His dad said, “Hey, Johnny, you gonna share the money with your old man?”Johnny asked, ” Dad, can you touch your asshole with your dick?”Johnny’s dad said, “As a matter of fact, I can!”Johnny said, ” GOOD, GO FUCK YOURSELF!!”

Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it’s time to learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, “Okay, you say `ass’ and I’ll say `hell’.”

All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they’d like for breakfast.

“Aw, hell,” says the eight-year-old, “gimme some Cheerios.”

His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother.

“What’ll you have?”

“I dunno,” quavers the six-year-old, “but you can bet your ass it ain’t gonna be Cheerios!”

A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber
runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies
are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it’s too risky to
operate.

All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears.
“What’s wrong?” asks the mother. “I was having a wee and this bullet came out.”
replies the daughter. The mother tells her it’s okay and explains what happened
16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. “Mom, I
was having a wee and this bullet came out.” Again the mother tells her not to
worry and explains what happened 16 years ago.

A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. “It’s okay,” says the mom,
“I know what happened, you were having a wee and a bullet came out.” And the boy
says, “No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!”

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:
“Da-ad…” “What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?”
“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”
“Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…”
“WHAT?”
“I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a drink of water??”
“I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!!”
“Five minutes later…
“Daaaa-aaaad…”
“WHAT??!!”
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?”

what do you call a bug that bugs you a buger

A little boy just recieved a new bike for christmas.As he was riding down the street with much excitement a cop comes up to him on a horse.

The cop says hello, is that a new bike, yes the boy replies, did you get it from santa,yes i did,
well i am going to have to write you a ticket the cop says because you dont have a light reflector, and that is a safety hazard.The cop said so maybe next year you should ask santa for a reflector.

The boy replies thats a nice horse you have there
did you get it from santa, yes i did the cop replies,well maybe next year you should ask santa to put the dick on the bottom of the horse instead of on the top.

The third grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class,

“Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow, and everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.”

She explained that this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from “the lamb was sure to go” to “the lamb went with her.”

A few days later she asked for an example of poetry or prose. Johnny raised his hand and recited, “Mary had a little pig, an ornery little runt, he stuck his nose in Mary’s clothes, and smelled her little–”

He stopped and asked the teacher if she wanted poetry or prose.

“Prose!” the teacher said weakly.

So Johnny said, “Asshole”.

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Boo
Boo Who?
Ahh, no need to cry…

It was a bright and cold winter morning, Mom and sister were at the mall so Dad decided it was a good time for a father and son chat about “the birds and the bees” with his 10 year old boy.”I don’t want to know!” the child cried, bursting into tears and runing away to his room.The confused father followed, and as his son lay face down on his bed sobbing, dad asked what was wrong.”Oh, Dad,” the boy cried, “At age six, I got the ‘there’s no Santa’ speech.”At age seven, I got the ‘there’s no Easter Bunny’ speech.”Then, at age 8, you hit me with the ‘there’s no tooth fairy’ speech!”If you’re going to tell me now that grown-ups don’t really have sex, I’ve got NOTHING left to live for!”

A few children’s books that didn’t make the cut:

1. You Are Different and That’s Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad’s New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
8. All Cats Go to Hell
9. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
10. Some Kittens Can Fly
11. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
12. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
13. Pop! Goes The Hamster…And Other Great Microwave Games
14. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
15. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

Q: What do you get if you cross LSD with birth control?
A: A trip without the kids.