Category: little johnny

the bus driver saw little johnny waiting on the bus stop as the bus driver opened the doors johnny climed into the bus and sat right next to the bus driver and said “if my dad was a bull and my mommy was a cow i would be a little bull”.the bus driver looked at him and nodded, then johnny went on and on and on finally the bus driver got agitated and said if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitutte what would you get?little johnny looked up and said a busdriver

It was August and little Hannah was on holiday with her parents. One day, her
dad says to her, �Did you know that they don�t allow elephants on this beach?�
�Why, dad?�
�Because they can’t keep their trunks up.�

Little Johnny is seven years old and is sitting at the dinner table with his parents.

Suddenly he announces, “Me and Janie are going to get married!”

“Oh?” Says the mother, “and how old is Janie?”

“Five,” replies the boy.

“Well,” says the father, “what are you going to do for money?”

“I get fifteen cents a week allowance,” says Johnny, “and Janie gets ten cents. We figured if we put it together we would be okay.”

“I see, “says the father. “But what are you going to do if you have children?”

“Well,” says Johnny, “so far we have been lucky.”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

A young man visited his sister who was married to a farmer in a poor district of the country.

Since there were limited accommodations, he was required to sleep with his young nephew.

When the young man came into the bedroom, he saw the little boy kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed. Thinking this was the child’s religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed.

The child looked up and said, “Whatcha doin’?”

“Why, the same thing you’re doing”, replied the uncle.

“Ma’s gonna be mad”, said the boy.

“The bedpan�s on this side”.

A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?”

Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough!”

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”

“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s
lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next
twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.”

-Phyllis Diller

A manager in a big company needed to contact one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered voice on the first ring.

“Hello?”

“Is your Daddy home?” the boss quickly asked.

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

“May I talk with him?” the man asked, feeling somewhat put-off by this delay.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”

“Yes”, came the answer.

“May I talk with her?”

Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

“Son, is there any one there besides you?” the boss impatiently asked the child.

“Yes,” whispered the child, “A policeman.”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?” asked the boss.

“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked,

“What is that noise?”

“A hello-copper.” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed voice the child answered, “The police just landed the hello-copper!”

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, “Why are they there?”

After a muffled giggle, the young voice replied in a very low whisper, “They’re looking for me!”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 11-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event.

The man thought, “Great…he’s 11 and now I’m gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun – I’ll just let him ask, and I’ll answer.”

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, “Well son, do you have any questions?”

“Just one Dad.” gasped the still wide-eyed lad. Just as the father is preparing his birds and bees story, his son asks –

“How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?”

TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?

DESMOND: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

Submitted by Curtis
Edited calamjo

One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother’s
hair and sadly said: “Why is some of your hair white mommy?”

The mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turn white.

The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said… “Momma, how come *all* of grandma’s hairs are white?”

What do you find up a clean nose? Fingerprints

An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby. ”Hit him again,” the 5-year-old said. ”He shouldn’t have crawled up there in the first place!”