Category: little johnny

Q. Why did the little boy lick the lollypop lady?
A. because he thought she was a lollypop!!

Two boys from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce
the boys had to hide under their blankets to keep from being bitten. Then one of
them saw some lightning bugs, and said to his friend: -We might as well give up,
they’re coming at us with flashlights!

“Equal” is not always synonymous with “the same.” Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same.

1.You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.

2.You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she’ll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he’ll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the church, even if you’re driving there.

3. Boys’ rooms are usually messy. Girls’ rooms are usually messy, except it’s a good smelling mess.

4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.

5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to tear off their appendages.

6. Boys couldn’t care less if their hair is unruly. If their bangs got cut a quarter-inch too short, girls would rather lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in public.

7. Baby girls find mommy’s makeup and almost instintively start painting their face. Baby boys find mommy’s makeup and almost instinctively start painting the walls.

8. If a girl accidently burps, she will be embarrassed. If a boy accidently burps, he will follow it with a dozen fake belches.

9. Boys grow their fingernails long because because they’re too lazy to cut them. Girls grow their fingernails long – not because they look nice – but because they can dig them into a boys arm.

10. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.

11. By the age of 6, boys will stop giving their dad kisses. By the age of 6, girls will stop giving their dad kisses unless he bribes them with candy.

12. Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before boys talk, they learn how to make machine-gun noises.

13. Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie. Boys will cry if you turn off the VCR after they’ve watched “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” movie three times in a row.

14. Girls turn into women. Boys turn into bigger boys.

Dear:

Thank you for leaving [01] tooth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children’s teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

( ) the tooth could not be found
( ) it was not a human tooth
( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny
( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor
( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash
( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you
( ) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails
( ) your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for
appropriate action
( ) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy
( ) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received
( ) the tooth is still in your mouth
( ) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit
( ) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit
( ) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing
( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
[ ] string
[ ] pliers
[ ] gunpowder
[ ] hammer marks
[ ] chisel
[ ] part of skull attached to tooth
[ ] no dental care
( ) other:

Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following
certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near you.

Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.

Sincerely,
The Tooth Fairy

Little Johnny walked into his class and the teacher asked where he had been. he replied, “On blueberry hill.”

The teacher, still confused, said, “Ok… have a seat.” Another boy walked in and the teacher asked, “Where have you been.” he replied, “On blueberry hill.”

The teacher grumbled a bit and continued class. Enevtually, a girl walked in and the teacher said, “Let me guess… You were on blueberry hill.”

The girl replied “No, but how did you know my name was Blueberry Hill?”

Little Johnny said to his aunt Tess, “My God, you’re ugly, aren’t you!”

His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen. “You naughty boy!” she screamed, “How can you say to your aunt that she’s ugly! You go right in and apologize to her! Tell her you’re sorry!”

Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, “Aunt Tess, I am sorry you’re so ugly.”

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.

She says, “Hello class, I’m Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name, remember it has an “r” after the first letter.”

The entire class says, “Hello Mrs. Prussy.”

A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.

Little Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher,
“I remember it has an “r” after the first letter.”

“That’s right.” she coaxed.

Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, “Mrs. Crunt?”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtus

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The
7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin
swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old
says, ”When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I’ll say ‘hell’ and
you say ‘ass’.”

The 4-year-old happily agrees.
As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother
walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The
7-year-old replies, ”Aw hell, Mom, I’ll just have some Cheerios.”

The surprised mother reacts quickly and whacks him one. The boy runs upstairs,
bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother
then asks the younger son, ”And what would YOU like for breakfast?”

”I don’t know,” the 4-year-old blubbers, ”but you can bet your ASS it’s not
gonna be Cheerios!”

One day little Johnny was in class when the teacher let go of a ripper of a fart.

She then turns around and blames it on Johnny and says, “Johnny stop that!”

Johnny then jumps onto his desk and says, “Which way did it go?”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

Q.what do you call a witch at the beach?
A.a sandwich

a deer was walking through the woods when a tiger pounced at him. the deer lifted up his back legs and kicked the tiger far far away. the deer was called mogli and the tiger was called shere khan!!!! haaaa haaaa

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger’s cage at the zoo.

Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression.

Dad,” the boy said finally, “if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up …”

“Yes, son?” the father said expectantly.

“What bus should I take home?” the boy finished.