Category: little johnny

A fireman looked out of the fire house window and noticed a little boy playing on the sidewalk. He had his little red wagon, and he had hung small ladders on the side of it, and coiled the garden hose up in it, and he was wearing a fireman’s hat. He had the wagon tied to his dog, so that the dog could pull the wagon.

The fireman thought this was really cute so he went out and told the little boy what a great looking fire truck he had.

As he did, he noticed that the dog was tied to the wagon by his testicles. The fireman said, “Son, I don’t want to try to tell you how to run your fire company or anything, but I think if you would tie that rope around the dog’s neck you would go faster.”

“Maybe so,” said the little boy, “But then I’d lose my siren!”

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, “I know the whole truth.”

His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.”

The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.

The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

If I want it,
it’s mine.

If I give it to you and change my mind later,
it’s mine.

If I can take it away from you,
it’s mine.

If I had it a little while ago,
it’s mine.

If it’s mine, it will never belong to anybody else,
no matter what.

If we are building something together,
all the pieces are mine.

If it looks just like mine,
it’s mine.

how can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?

if her tampon is behind her ear and she cant find her pen!

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs.

She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

Their insight may surprise you.

Better to be safe than…punch a 5th grader.

Never underestimate the power of…termites.

You can lead a horse to water but…how?

Don’t bite the hand that…looks dirty.

No news is… impossible.

A miss is as good as a… Mr.

You can’t teach an old dog new… math.

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll… stink in the morning.

Love all, trust… me.

The pen is mightier than the… pigs.

An idle mind is… the best way to relax.

Where there’s smoke there’s… pollution.

A penny saved is… not much.

Don’t put off till tomorrow what…you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and… you have to blow your nose.

None are so blind as… Stevie Wonder.

Children should be seen and not… spanked or grounded.

If at first you don’t succeed… get new batteries.

You get out of something what you… see pictured on the box.

When the blind leadeth the blind… get out of the way.

Submitted by Curtis
EDited by calamjo

A baby boy was just born. He had all his pieces and looked quite normal,
except that he was laughing – I mean laughing real hard. All the doctors and
nurses were examining the little guy in front of his worried parents. He just
kept on laughing; his tiny fists all closed and tears rolling from his eyes. One
at a time, a pediatrician unfolded his tiny fingers to check if his hand was all
right, and guess what he found?

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The birth control pill.

There was this little black kid in the 2nd grade and on the first day of
school they were doing math. When he got home his mom asked how his day was, and
he replied,� I didn’t like it mama we did math today, and I didn’t do well.
Every one was smarter than me mama. Why is that mama?” His mom then replied,
“That’s because you’re black son.” The next day he went back to school they were
doing spelling. When he got home his mom asked how his day was, and he replied,�
I didn’t like it mama we did math today, and I didn’t do well. Every one was
smarter than me mama. Why is that mama?” His mom then replied, “That’s because
you’re black son.” The next day at school they had gym and he could run faster,
jump higher, and when they went to the restrooms and he had a bigger dick than
every one else. When he got home his mom asked how his day was, and he replied,
“I had so much fun mama, we had gym today and I could run faster, jump higher
and when I went to the bathroom my dick was longer than everyone�s. Is that
because I’m black mama?” His mom replied, “No son that’s because you’re 18.

Little Johnny is in the bathroom talking to his Mum while she has a shower.

He points between her legs at her shaven twat and says, “what’s that Mummy”

“Oh, that’s where Daddy hit me with an Axe” she says.

and Little Johnny says “Wow, good shot, right in the cunt”

6 year old Marilyn and 4 year old Little Johnny were upstairs playing in their play room. Marilyn said “I think it’s about time we start swearing. Don’t you?”

Little Johnny nodded in agreement.

Marilyn said “Ok, I say ‘ass’ and you say ‘hell.'”

Little Johnny again nodded his head in agreement and they went downstairs for breakfast. Their mom asked Marilyn what she wants to eat.

Marilyn replied “Well hell mom, I’ll have some Cheerios.”

Her mom spanked her and sent her to her room. She then asked Little Johnny what he wanted for breakfast.

Little Johnny said “I don’t know, but you bet your ass it won’t be Cheerios!”

There were three kids named My, Butt, and Stupid. They were pretty dumb and
didn’t know the word and. One day, they were playing ball on the sixth floor.
Then, suddenly Stupid dropped the ball out the window. My jumped out the window
to get the ball, while Butt tried to jump out the window to catch My. Stupid saw
that the two of them fall out the window and ran down the stairs. When he got
down, he saw a policeman looking at My and Butt. The policeman asked “Son, what
is your name?” Stupid answered “I’m Stupid!” The policeman said “You’re not
stupid, son, now do you know what happened here?” Stupid answered “My Butt fell
out the window!”

This little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound
coming from his parent�s room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says,
“Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your
bedroom you’re bouncing up and down on him.”
His mom is taken by surprise and says, “Oh… well…ah…. well I’m bouncing
on his stomach because he’s fat and that makes him thin again.”

And the boy says, “Well, that won’t work!”

His mom says, “Why?”

And the boy replies, “Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each
day and blows him back up!”

If GH stands for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbor
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau

The right way to spell POTATO should be GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU!