Category: little johnny

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, “Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these.”

The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.

“I’ll give you a hint,” said the teacher. “It’s something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time.”

Instantly, one of the kids coughed his onto the floor and shouted,
“Spit ’em out, they’re assholes!”

A wise man once said that having children is hereditary.

Which is tantamount to saying: If your parents didn’t have children, chances are you won’t either.

you want to hear somthing dirty a guy named Billy rolled around in mudd you want to hear somthing clean he took a bath wit bubbles want to hear somthing disgusting bubbles was the girl next door

Teacher : Correct the sentence, “A bull and a cow is grazing in the field”
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.
Teacher : How ?
Student : Ladies first.

A little girl asked her mother for ten cents to give to an old lady in the
park. Her mother was touched by the child’s kindness. “There you are, my dear,
but, tell me, isn’t the lady able to work any more?”
“Oh yes,” came the reply. “She sells sweets!”

It was that time during the Sunday morning service for “the children’s
sermon,” and all the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down,
the pastor leaned over and said to her, “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your
Easter dress?”

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, “Yes,
and my Mom says it’s a Bitch to iron.”

I just bought some Gravol for my kids. It’s even called “Gravol for Children”. It has dosage information for children 2 to under 6 years, and for children 6 to under 12 years. There is no dosage information for anybody older than 12 years old. But there is the following:

Caution: Do not exceed the recommended dosage. May cause drowsiness.
Avoid driving a motor vehicle or performing tasks requiring mental alertness. Avoid alcoholic beverages. Do not take if you have: glaucoma, chronic lung disease, difficulty in urination due to an enlargement of the prostate gland, or if you are pregnant or breast-feeding unless directed by a physician. [and some other cautions not quite so inappropriate]

I had to take it back – my chain smoking, alcoholic, pregnant, car driving 6-year-old daughter couldn’t take them!

“Dad,” said Little Johnny, “I’m late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?”

Little Johnny’s father said irately, “Son, it just wouldn’t be right.”

“That’s okay,” replied Little Johnny “You could at least give it a try, couldn’t you?”

there were two kids playing basketball outside of an apartment building one kid sees a really hot girl naked in the shower and says to the other come here theres a really hot naked girl and the other kid runs away. the next day they are playing basketball there again and the kid that saw the girl said “hey why did u leave yesterday?” and the other kid said”because my mom said if i saw a naked lady i would turn to stone and i started to feel something get hard.

A child came home from Sunday School and old his mother that he had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly.
It took his mother a while before she realized that the hymn was really “Gladly The Cross I’d Bear,”

Two chickens were talking and one chicken said to a the other chicken “who is your favorite music composer?”

The second chicken responds “bach, bach, bach!”

A mother was having dinner with her two young children when her three year old daughter asked her why there were two holes in your nose.

Her four year old son quickly responded with, “So you can still breath when you pick your nose!”