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A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.
“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: “I think it’s Adam’s suit!”
Two little boys were arguing.
“My father is better than your father!”
“No he’s not!”
“My brother is better than your brother!”
“No he’s not!”
“My mother is better than your mother!”
The second boy paused. “Well I guess you’ve got me there. My father says the same thing.”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I’ll see you back in court Monday.”
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, “How did you do over the weekend?” “Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.” “17 people? That’s wonderful. What did you tell them?” “I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this
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A little Johnny was mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer. The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to discipline the child. “Aren’t you a little young to be drinking, son?” he asked. “Aw, that ain’t no big deal”, the kid said after taking a swig of beer. “I got a tattoo when I was three”. “What? How did that happen?” “I don�t remember. I was drunk!”
Before our grandson Erik was 2 years old, he had learned that prayers ended
with “amen.” At a prayer meeting, he got tired of a long prayer by one of the
petitioners and politely said, “amen.” But the prayer did not stop.
Erik must have felt he’d had enough, for after while he repeated loudly, “I
said amen!”
Q:WHY WAS TIGGER LOOKING IN THE TOILET?
A:HE WAS LOOKING FOR POOH
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a daddy longlegs.” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied.
“Both of them are daddy longlegs,”
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.
“Well, we’re not having THAT sort of shit in our garden.”
A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks, “Is God male or female?”
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds,”Well God is both male and female.”
This confuses the little boy, so he asks, “Is God black or white?”
“Well, God is both black and white.”
This further confuses the boy so he asks, “Is God gay or straight?”
At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers none the less,
“Honey, God is both gay and straight.”
At this the boy’s face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks…
“Is God Michael Jackson?”
A five year old boy was living with his mother, as his parents had divorced.
One Sunday, she decided to take him to the zoo for the first time in his life.
As they passed the various assortment of animals, she would tell the little boy
what they were called and make him repeat it. After the lions, gorillas,
giraffes and bears, they came upon the elephant exhibit.
“That’s an elephant”, the mother said.
After the child repeated after her, he asked, “Mommy? What’s that thing
hanging down from the elephant?”
The mother replied, “That’s his trunk, sweetheart.”
“No, no”, said the child, “Behind that!”
“Oh, that’s his tail”, she said.
“No, no!” the boy exclaimed. “That thing in the middle!”
The woman was flustered and replied, “Uhhhh, that’s nothing, honey!” And they
moved on…..
The next weekend, the boy’s father came to pick him up and the child cried,
“Daddy, let’s go to the zoo! I learned all about the animals, and I want to show
you what I learned!”
The father agreed, so off to the zoo they went. As they passed each cage, the
child would shout out the name of the animal, and the father would praise him
for being so smart. Finally, they arrived at the elephant cage, and the boy
shouted, “Elephant!”
“Very GOOD”, beamed the father. “I’m proud of you for remembering all these
animals!”
The boy asked, “Daddy? What’s that thing hanging down on the elephant?”
The father replied, “That’s his trunk.”
“No!”, the boy moaned, “Behind that!”
“That’s his tail”, the father replied.
“No, no! That thing in the middle!”
The father stammered, “Er…what did your mother say it was?”
“She said it was nothing!”
“Well”, the man said, puffing out his chest. “Your mother’s spoiled!”
A three year old walked over to the pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady,” why is your stomach so big?”
She replied, “Im having a baby.”
With big eyes,he asked, “Is the baby in your stomach?”
She said, “He sure is.”
Then the little boy with a puzzled look asked, “Is it a good baby?”
She said, “oh yes, its a real good baby.”
With even a more surprised and shocked look he said, “Then why in the world did you eat him?”
Teacher : Where were you born ?
child : America
teacher : America? Which part?
Child : No, the whole body.
A wise man once said that having children is hereditary.
Which is tantamount to saying: If your parents didn’t have children, chances are you won’t either.