What is Sex?

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, ”Mum, what’s sex?”His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, ”Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?”

Little Nancy’s Pet

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her
neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the
little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up
to there, Nancy?”
“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without
looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for
a goldfish, isn’t it?”

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then
replied, “That’s because he’s inside your stupid cat.”

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ

There was a little boy who wanted to know the alphabet. He went to his teacher
and said “Teacher, teach me the alphabet, but make it quick ’cause I have to go
to the bathroom. “Okay,” she said. “Recite the alphabet, please.” (read this
part carefully) “ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ,” “where’s the “P” asks the teacher.
“running down my leg,” answers the boy.

Uncle Charlie

A teacher was giving class lessons in morals and asked for examples.

Little Mary stood up and said,
‘My father is a chicken farmer and when we collect the eggs each morning, we take more than one basket, so you don’t put all your eggs in one basket.’

‘Very good, Mary,’ said the teacher. ‘Any more morals?’

Little Johnny stands up.
‘During the war,’ he says, ‘my Uncle Charlie was alone in a fox-hole with a rifle and a bottle of whisky.’

‘A whole German battalion was approaching him, so he had a big gulp of the whisky and fired all his bullets at the Germans, killing at least 100. He fell back into the fox-hole, took another large swig of whisky and ran out and used his bayonet and rifle butt to kill all the Germans left.’

‘That’s very brave of your uncle,’ said the teacher, ‘but where’s the moral to the story?’

‘Well.’ said Johnny, ‘You don’t f*** around with Uncle Charlie when he’s been on the piss.’

Kid in Dallas

A kid and his mom were walking on the sidewalk in Dallas. The kid, being 100% Texan, upon seeing some cowboys, said, “Hey Maw, look at them thar men with them thar bowed laigs.”

She said that if he didn’t start speaking correct English, she was going to send him to a Shakespearean English school.

A little furtyher along, they saw some more cowboys. “Hey maw! Look at them thar men with them thar bowed legs!” he said.

So, true to her word, she sent him off to a Shakespearean English school to learn correct English.

He came home several months later on vacation. As they walked together down the sidewalk, they saw some cowboys. “Hark!” he said, “What manner of men are these who wear their legs in parentheses?”

Advanced Children

A Father came home and found his 8 year old boy sitting on the front porch smoking a cigar. He marched up to the lad, removed the cigar from the boy’s mouth and said, “I suppose you’re going to tell me that you’re sitting there smoking that cigar because you just became a Father.”

“Hell no Dad.” said the boy, “Cindy ain’t even reached puberty yet.”

Why Are Some Hairs White?

Why Are Some Hairs White?

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.

She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, “Momma, how come all of grandma’s hairs are white?”