Category: little johnny

Q.what do you get swinging of apple trees
A.Sore arms

What do you call a guy who hangs around?

Art!

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was
disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night
and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever
idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.

He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up
and they saw the sign which read, “Warning! One of the watermelons in this field
has been injected with cyanide.”

The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer’s
sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no
watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, “Now there are two!”

Little Johnny’s kindergarden class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want him very badly.”

So Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”

what do you call a dinosaur with high heels
my-feet-are-saurus

The teacher was telling the class about plants that have the word “dog” in
front of them: dog rose, dogwood, dog violet. She asked the class if they could
name another flower with the prefix “dog.”
Steven raised his hand and said, “Sure, Miss Jones, a collie-flower!”

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she
said, “if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached
in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?” “Somebody
else’s pants.”

Never trust a dog to watch your food. -Patrick, Age 10

When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. -Matthew, Age 12

Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching. -Andrew, Age 9

Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. -Rocky, Age 9

Sleep in your clothes so you’ll be dressed in the morning. -Stephanie, Age 8

Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. -Rosemary, Age 7

Don’t flush the toilet when you dad’s in the shower. -Lamar, Age 10

Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes. -Carrol, Age 9

Never bug a pregnant mom. -Nicholas, Age 11

Don’t ever be too full for dessert. -Kelly, Age 10

When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him. -Heather, Age 16

Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. -Michael, Age 14

Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat. -Joel, Age 12

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she’s on the phone. -Alyesha, Age 13

Never try to baptize a cat. -Laura, Age 13

Never spit when on a roller coaster. -Scott, Age 11

Never do pranks at a police station. -Sam, Age 10

Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it’s moving. -Rob, Age 10

Never tell your little brother that you’re not going to do what your mom told you to do. -Hank, Age 12

Remember you’re never too old to hold your father’s hand. -Molly, Age 11

Listen to your brain. It has lots of information. -Chelsey, Age 7

Stay away from prunes. -Randy, Age 9

Never dare your little brother to paint the family car. -Phillip, Age 13

Forget the cake. Go for the icing! -Cynthia, Age 8

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, “I’ll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you’re finished.”

Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, “Golly, it worked!”

Puzzled, his mother asked, “What do you mean?”

Little Johnny replied, “Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!”

Anne: “I have been seeing purple monsters with pink spots.”

Doctor: “have you seen an eye doctor?”

Anne: ” No, just purple monsters with pink spots!”

Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his penis in preparation of sex with his wife.

Johnny’s father, in an attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asked curiously “What ya doin’ dad?”

His father quickly replied, “I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.”

Little Johnny asked, “What ya gonna do, screw him?”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman

Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married.His parents think this is cute, and they don’t want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Johnny him “How are you and Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?”He replies “Well with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and Dad, we should do o.k.”His father says “That’s fine, but how will you pay the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?”Johnny answers “Well, so far, we’ve been lucky…”