Category: little johnny

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn’t have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, “How many grains of sand are in the beach?” Needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, “How many stars are in the sky?”

Again no one could answer.

Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.

So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black.

The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, “Here’s this week’s question,” Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room.

Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.

The teacher says, ” Okay, who’s the comedian with the black balls?”

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, “Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!”

What do you call a bad butler?
Mr.spot (missed-a-spot)

What do you get when you cut a banana in two?

A BANANA SPLIT!

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, “Hey Tommy, wanna play house?”

He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”

The girl replies, “I want you to communicate,” and he says to her, “that word is too big. I have no idea what it means.”

The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”

In school the lesson was about the word “contagious.” The teacher asked the class if anyone could use the word contagious in a sentence.One girl raised her hand and said, “I had the chicken pox and I couldn’t go outside and play because it was contagious.”The teacher replied, “That was good. Can anyone else use contagious in a sentence?”One of the boys said, “I couldn’t go over my friend’s house because he had a cold and my mother said it was contagious.”The teacher replied, “That’s good. Anyone else?”Little Johnny said, “Last week when we had the snowstorm, my father took the snowblower and blew all the snow into my neighbor’s driveway.”The teacher was upset and said, “That was a horrible thing to do. And besides, it has nothing to do with the lesson.”Johnny spoke up, “Yes it does. My father came in the house laughing, saying it will take the contagious to shovel herself out.”

Q: How to communicate with a fish?
A: Drop him a line!

One day at the end of class, little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story that ends with a moral, so there’s a lesson to be learned. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road. When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, “Don’t keep all your eggs in one basket.” Little Lucy went next. My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched. Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.” Next up was little Johnny. My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands. The teacher was completely shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. Well, Johnny replied, “Don’t fight with Uncle Ted when he’s been drinking!”

Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, were playing house.
They both decided it was time to get married.

So Little Johnny went to Susie’s dad to ask for her hand in marriage.
“Where will you live?” asked Susie’s dad, thinking this was cute.
“Well,” said Little Johnny, “I figured I could just move into Susie’s room. It’s plenty big for both of us.”

“And how will you live?”
“I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance.
That should be enough.”

Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to know all the answers,
Susie’s dad asked, “And what if little ones come along?”

“Well,” said Little Johnny, “we’ve been lucky so far!”

What do you call a president who washes a lot?

Answer:
George Wash-a-ton

Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

A. He wanted cold hard cash!

A frog walks into a bank and says “I wanna loan.”

“Well Mr.. frog, go over there to Mrs. Black’s desk, she is the loan manager, I’m sure she will be happy to talk to you,” The head desk says.

The frog hops over to Mrs. Patty Black’s desk and says, “I wanna loan.”

Mrs. Black says, “Well Mr. Frog, we will have to get some paperwork for you to sign, so if you will wait right here…” At this point the frog pulls out of his knapsack a golden disk and hands it over to her.

She asks, confused, “What is this?”

The frog croaks back, “I wanna loan.” She rubs her head, and walks back to her boss and says, “I don’t get it, a frog hops in here wanting a loan, and gives me this golden disk. Do you know what it is?”

The boss laughs and says, “It’s a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!”

1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. . . “Just wait until your father gets home. “2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING. . . . “You are going to get it when we get home!”3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE. . . “What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you . . . Don’t talk back to me!”4. My Mother taught me LOGIC. . . “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me. 5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. . . “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way. “6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD. . . “If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job. 7. My Mother taught me ESP. . . “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”8. My Mother taught me HUMOR. . . “When that lawn mower cuts off you toes, don’t come running to me. “9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT. . . “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up. “10. My Mother taught me about SEX. . . . “How do you think you got here?”11. My Mother taught me about GENETICS. . . “You’re just like your father. “12. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS. . . “Do you think you were born in a barn?”13. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE. . . “When you get to be my age, you will understand. 14. And my all time favorite. . . JUSTICE. . . “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. . . Then you’ll see what its like. “