Category: little johnny

Q: What did the mayonsaise say to the refrigetrator?
A: Shut the door, I’m dressing!

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sunrise.
He sees the neighbor’s kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. “Hey
boy, whatcha got there?”
“Roll of chicken wire.”

“What you gonna do with that?”

“Gonna catch some chickens.”

“You damn fool! You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!” The boy just
laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by,
dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

The next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy
walk by carrying something in his hand. “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

“Roll of duct tape.”

“What you gonna do with that?”

“Gonna catch me some ducks.”

“You damn fool! You can’t catch ducks with duct tape!”
The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks
by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks
caught in it.

The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like
a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. ”Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

“It’s a pussy willow.”

“Wait up…I’ll get my hat.”

“Johnny, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.

“My dog ate it,” was his solemn response.

“Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?”

“It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear,” insisted Johnny. “I had to force him, but he ate it!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman

yo mamas so fat all streets became one way

Q: What do you find at the end of everything?
A: The letter “g”.

Little four-year-old Julie was looking at her new baby brother for the first time. He was fast asleep.

After staring at her tiny, motionless baby brother for a few minutes, Julie looked up at her mother and asked plaintively, “Didn’t he come with batteries?”

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them.Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.”Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.”What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.With astonishment in the young boy’s voice he answered, “It’s Adam’s suit!!”

Little Max was telling his friend Howard a riddle.
�What has a bottom at the top?�
Howard said, �I don’t know, Max. What does have a bottom at the top?�
�Why it�s your legs, of course.�

Children’s worst book titles!

You Were an Accident Strangers Have the Best Candy The Little Sissy Who Snitched Some Kittens Can Fly! Getting More Chocolate on Your Face Where Would You Like to Be Buried? Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Animals of North America-Hey! Let’s Go Ride Our Bikes! All Dogs Go to Hell The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer, They Say God Did It Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog? Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends? Bi-Curious George Daddy Drinks Because You Cry You Are Different and That’s Bad Dad’s New Wife Gerald Pop! Goes The Hamster-And Other Great Microwave Games Testing Homemade Parachutes With Your Household Pets The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad Babar Meets the Taxidermist Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom’s Purse The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will The Care Bears Maul Some Campers And Are Shot Dead How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
——————————-
“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.” Alan, age 10
“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.” Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
————————————-
“Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.” Camille, age 10

“No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.” Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
————————————————–
“Married people usually look happy to talk to other people.” Eddie, 6

“You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.” Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
————————————————–
“Both don’t want no more kids.” Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
———————————-
“Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8.

“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
——————————————————–
“I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.” Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
——————————-
“When they’re rich.” Pam, age 7

“The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.” Curt, age 7

“The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.” Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
————————————–
“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.” Anita, 9

“Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn’t want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I’d just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing.” Kirsten, age 10

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
————————————————————–
“There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?” Kelvin, age 8

“You can be sure of one thing – the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now.” Roberta, age 7

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
———————————–
“Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.” Ricky, age 10

Three women are knitting for the babies that are due
“i hope mine is a boy because ive got blue wool”” The first women says

“”i hope mine is a girl because ive got pink wool”” the second women says

and the third women says

“”i hope mine is a retard because ive fucked up the arms!!!””

from Peter Mickle

“

5. I’m not going to grant any extensions.
4. Call me any time. I’m always available.
3. It doesn’t matter what I think; write what you believe.
2. Think of the midterm as a diagnostic tool.
1. My other section is much better prepared than you guys.