Category: little johnny

there was a kid on a buss and he sayed if my mom was a mommy giraph and my dad was a daddy giraph then i would be a babby giraph. and he sayed this over and over and then the buss dirver says what if you mom was a prostitute and you dad was gay. And the kid replied i’d be a buss driver

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in
church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.

Finally, his big sister had enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in
church.”

“Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, “See those two men standing
by the door? They’re hushers!”

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy
trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.

However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the
boy’s position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and,
placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the
doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks,
“And now what, my little man?”

To which the boy replies, “Now we run!”

A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted.

At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class.

She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, “oh miss, oh miss!” with his arm pumping.

“Yes, Johnny, what is it?” she asked, trying to remain calm.

Little Johnny stood up and proclaimed to the class, “At our house, we have everything.”

“Don’t be silly,” the teacher replied, “not even the richest man has everything.”

“We do,” he answered, “My daddy said so the other day.”

“Now, why would your father say such a thing?” she asked.

“Well, my fifteen year old sister came home with her skinhead boyfriend, and told poppa she was pregnant. That’s when my dad said, “God, that’s all we needed.”

How long does it take a french woman to take a dump?

9 months

Dear Sanju baba,

I’m writting this slow because I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where
we did when you left home.

Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of
your home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address because the last
family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn’t
have to change their address.

This place is really nice. I even has a washing machine. I’m not sure it works
so well, though, Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we
haven’t seen it since. The weather isn’t bad here.

It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second
time for fourdays. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle said it
would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off
and put them in the pockets.

Bablu locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it
took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this
morning, but I haven’t found out what it is yet so I don’t know if you are an
aunt or uncle.

The baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Rakesh fell into a swimming pool
last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We
had him cremated; he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Bablu was driving.
He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the
back, they drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down.

I am now closing this letter and will share more good news with you again next
time. Your Favorite Aunt,

P.S…If this letter does not reach you, please let me know, I will send u
another.

A mother had prepared a scrumptous pie for her two young sons. It was now
nearly all gone. The boys began to argue over who would get the last piece of
pie. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If a saint were
sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the last piece.'”

The older brother turned to his younger brother and said, “Okay, you be the
saint!”

Why did God give deers eyes? I have no eye-deer!

Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it’s time to learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, “Okay, you say ass’ and I’ll say hell'”.

All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they’d like for breakfast.

“Aw, hell,” says the eight-year-old, “gimme some Cheerios.”

His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother. “What’ll you have?”

“I dunno,” quavers the six-year-old, “but you can bet your ass it ain’t gonna be Cheerios.”

why did the police-man pu him self in jail? Because he had no one to put in jail!!

what do you call something thats red, brown and goes 40 miles per hour?

A SQUIRREL IN A BLENDER!

My dad gave me one dollar bill.
‘Cause I’m his smartest son,
And I swapped it for two shiny quarters,
‘Cause two is more than one!

And then I took the quarters,
And traded them to Lou
For three dimes, I guess he don’t know
That three is more than two!

Just then, along came old blind Bates.
And just ’cause he can’t see,
He gave me four nickels for my three dimes,
And four is more than three!

And I took the nickels to Hiram Coombs.
Down at the seed-feed store,
And the fool gave me five pennies for them,
And five is more than four!

And then I went and showed my dad,
And he got red in the cheeks.
And closed his eyes and shook his head,
Too proud of me to speak!

Submitted by Tantilazing
Edited by Curtis