Yours Fun Portal !
Lil’ Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses’ legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Pop, why are you doing that?”
“Because I’m thinking of buying these horses.”
Johnny looked worried, “Then I think we’d better hurry home right away!”
“Why?” his father asked.
“Because the milkman stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants to buy Mom!
what do you get if you dial
34759624975938472649583774193?
a sore finger
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.
After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, “If he gets loose, will he hurt us?”
There was a postman who used to deliver mail to a house were a little girl every day shouted out “Hi Bill!” and waved to him. Though his name wasn’t Bill he always waved anyway. A couple of weeks later he ran into the girl’s mother and he asked her why every time her little girl saw him she shouted out “Hi Bill!”Her mother started blushing and said ” because whenever I see you coming I say here comes the bills!”
10 year old Johnny’s mother, who was a hard working single mom, had been promising for some time now to buy poor Johnny a bike.
Johnny, who loved his Momma dearly, hadn’t made a big deal about it for a long time, but suddenly decided NOW was the right time to ask. So he rushes downstairs to tell his Momma that he wanted his bike and he wanted it now.
He gets downstairs, looks around, doesn’t see his mother, so he rushes back upstairs, opens the door to his mother’s room and stops dead in his tracks, ’cause there was his Momma, laying stark naked on her bed, rubbing herself all over repeating ” Oh,I need a man, Ohhh I need a man.”
Johnny, who was naturally a little stunned by the sight, backs quietly out the door and goes back to his room.
Well, a few days passes and Johnny works up the nerve to once again tell his Mother that he wants his bike and he wants it NOW. So he rushes downstairs, doesn’t see his mother, he rushes upstairs, opens Momma’s door and there once again was his Mother, laying stark naked on the bed, Rubbing herself all over and repeating ” Oh, I need a man. Ohhh,I need a man.” Once again he backs out quietly.
Well, this time it took little Johnny a bit longer to muster up the nerve to demand his bike, but he finally does and rushes downstairs, No Momma, so he rushes upstairs, throws Momma’s door open and there to his amazement was his Momma, lying stark naked on her bed, but this time she had a man on top of her.
Johnny backs out of the room, walks quietly down the hall to his room and sits on his bed. He thinks about what he has just witnessed for a while and then, just like a bolt of lightning had struck, Johnny jumps up and screams ” I GOT IT !!!!!!”
JOHNNY PEELS ALL OF HIS CLOTHES OFF, LIES STARK NAKED ON HIS BED AND STARTS TO RUB ALL OVER HIMSELF REPEATING ” OH, I NEED A BIKE, OOOOHHHHHHHH I NEED A BIKE”
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.
The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.”
“What a coincidence!” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins
baseball team.”
The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, “You, sir, are the father of triplets.”
“Wow, that’s really an incredible coincidence” he answered. “I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down.”
An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the third man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply.
“Don’t tell me another coincidence?” asked the nurse.
After finally regaining his composure, he said “I don’t believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel.”
After hearing this, everybody’s attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and, after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness.
When he was finally able to speak, everyone could hear him whispering repeatedly the same phrase over and over again.
“I should have never taken that job at 7-Up.
I should have never taken that job at 7-Up.
I should have never taken that job at 7-Up…”
Did you hear about the little boy who was on a seafood diet. When he sees food he eats it!!
A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike. “Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300,” he asked.
“Easy, dad,” little Johnny replied. “I earned it hiking.”
“Come on Johnny,” the father said. “Tell me the truth.”
“That is the truth!” Johnny replied. “Every night you were gone, mom’s boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see mom. He’d give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
“All right, son,” asked the father, “what does that show you?”
“Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms.”
It was time for the sex talk to their kids, Little Johnny and Little Jane.
Each parent took a kid
THE mother told Little Jane that her private spot was a garage and no boy should stick their truck in it
The father took Little Johnny aside and told his piece was a truck and should be parked in a garage when he is old enough
After their respective talks, both kids went outside to play.
Little Johnny comes running and screaming and locked himself in the bathroom.
Jane comes in with blood all over her mouth. Her mom asked, “What on earth happened?!”
Jane said “Well, Johnny tried to park his truck in my garage so i bit off his back tires…”
What did one casket say to the other ?
Was that you coffin?