Category: little johnny

After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, ”Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up.” ”That’s okay with us,” the mother said, ”But what made you decide to be a minister?” ”Well,” the boy replied, ”I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen.”

6 year old Marilyn and 4 year old Little Johnny were upstairs playing in their play room. Marilyn said “I think it’s about time we start swearing. Don’t you?”Little Johnny nodded in agreement.Marilyn said “Ok, I say ‘ass’ and you say ‘hell.'”Little Johnny again nodded his head in agreement and they went downstairs for breakfast. Their mom asked Marilyn what she wants to eat.Marilyn replied “Well hell mom, I’ll have some Cheerios.”Her mom spanked her and sent her to her room. She then asked Little Johnny what he wanted for breakfast.Little Johnny said “I don’t know, but you bet your ass it won’t be Cheerios!”

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”

Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.

“Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother.

“He thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband’s baldness.

Or, she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, “So why do you have so much hair?”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Little Johnny said to his aunt Tess, “My God, you’re ugly, aren’t you!”

His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen.

“You naughty boy!” she screamed, “How can you say to your aunt that she’s ugly! You go right in and apologize to her! Tell her you’re sorry!”

Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, “Aunt Tess, I am sorry you’re so ugly.”

Little Bobby sat in the bathroom talking to his mother as she was taking a bath.

She got up to dry herself when Bobby noticed something.

With a puzzled look on his face he asked his mother, “Mommy what is that?”

She replied, “That is where Daddy hit me with an ax.”

Then Bobby replied, “No shit! Right in the pussy?”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Yisman

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

Better To Be Safe Than. .. Punch A 5th Grader.

Strike While The… Bug Is Close.

It’s Always Darkest Before… Daylight Savings Time.

Never Under Estimate The Power Of.. Termites.

You Can Lead A Horse To Water But.. How?

Don’t Bite The Hand That… Looks Dirty.

No News Is… Impossible.

A Miss Is As Good As A… Mr.

You Cant Teach An Old Dog New… Math.

If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You’ll… Stink In The Morning.

Love All, Trust… Me!

The Pen Is Mightier Than The… Pigs.

An Idle Mind Is… The Best Way To Relax.

Where There’s Smoke, There is… Pollution.

Happy The Bride Who… Gets All The Presents!

A Penny Saved Is… Not Much.

Two’s Company, Three’s… The Musketeers.

Don’t Put Off Tomorrow What… You Put On To Go To Bed.

Laugh & The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry & You Have To Blow Your Nose.

None Are So Blind As… Helen Keller.

Children Should Be Seen And Not… Spanked Or Grounded.

If At First You Don’t Succeed… Get New Batteries.

You Get Out Of Something What You… See Pictured On The Box.

When The Blind Leadeth The Blind… Get Out Of The Way.

There Is No Fool Like… Aunt Eddie.

1. If I like it, it’s mine.

2. If it’s in my hands, it’s mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.

4. If I had it a week ago, it’s mine.

5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks just like mine, it’s mine.

8. If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.

9. If it it’s near me, it’s mine.

10.If it’s broccoli, it’s yours.

Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to find his mother taking a bath.
He points at her bush and asks, “What’s that Mommy?”. A little embarrassed, she
tells him that is her sponge. Tommy is satisfied with that answer and goes back
to playing with his toys. Some time later, Tommy catches his mother in the
shower shortly after she has shaved her bush for bikini season. Tommy asks her,
“Where is your sponge mommy?”. Again embarrassed she tells him that she lost it
but will probably find it soon. Tommy is a little worried and promises his mommy
that he will help her find it. His mother says OK and goes back to showering.
Soon, Tommy comes running back in and says that he has found his mother’s
sponge. “What do you mean you found my sponge?”. “The lady next door has it and
she’s washing Daddy’s face with it!”

Three boys are playing outside just after dark, when one of them noticed a light on in a window.

Billy says to Johnnie and Joey: “Let’s take a peek!” They look in the window and see a pretty woman undressing. Suddenly, Johnnie runs away and the other boys can’t find him.

The next day, Billy and Joey see Johnnie and ask: “Why’d you run away, you some kind of faggot or something?”

Johnnie replies: “No…My mother told me that if I ever do anything naughty, say anything naughty or even LOOK at anything naughty, God would turn me into stone. Well, when I looked in that window I started to get hard, so I ran away!”

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.

Finally, his big sister had enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.”

“Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, “See those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers!”

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!”

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning.

When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning,

“Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci