Category: little johnny

A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding a toy fire truck down the street. The truck was being pulled by a beautiful Labrador Retriever. Unfortunately, the rope was tied around the dog’s privates, and as a consequence, the truck was going very slowly.

A man walking down the street noticed how slowly the boy was being pulled and gently said to him, “You know, son, that truck would go alot faster if the rope was tied around your dog’s neck.”

The boy nodded in agreement and said, “But then there wouldn’t be a siren.”

It is around Christmas time and Santa is sitting in the middle of the mall in his big holiday setup.

He has a line of kids lined up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for Christmas.

As the line dwindles down, a little 5 year old boy comes up and sits on his lap.

Santa says to the little boy,”I bet I know what you want for Christmas,”you want a puppy, P-U-P-P-Y”, touching the tip of the little boys nose with his finger after every letter of the word.

The little boy responds, “Nope”.

So Santa again says, “Then I bet you want a bike, B-I-K-E”, as he again touched the tip of the little boys nose with his finger.

The little boy again said, “Nope”.

Well Santa’s starting to get a little pissed off. He thinks to himself that he’ll try one more time.

He says to the little boy, “I bet you want a fire engine, F-I-R-E-E-N-G-I-N-E”, once again touching the tip of the little boys nose with his finger after every letter of the word.

Where to the little responds”Nope”.

At this time he’s really pissed off. So he says to the little boy, “Then what the fuck do you want for Christmas?”

The little boy then looked at Santa and said, “I want some pussy, P-U-S-S-Y, and don’t fucking tell me that you can’t give me any because I can smell it on your finger!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown

After having quadruplets, the mother named them… Adolph, Rudolph, Getoff, and Stayoff.

Q: Why didn’t the monster make the football team?
A: Because he threw like a ghoul!

The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, “I’m so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.”

The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that my dear?” she asked.

The little boy replied, “I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the fucking walls if you came to visit us again.”

Q. Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry?
A. They’re afraid of flying off the handle!

Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A. Dayscare centers.

Q. Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. I Scream.

Q. What do witches put on their hair?
A. Scare spray.

Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A. Bamboo.

Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
A. Boo boos.

Q. Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A. Because of his coffin.

Q. Why do mummies make excellent spies?
A. They’re good at keeping things under wraps.

Q. Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?
A. Because everyone was a goblin!

Q. How did the ghost patch his sheet?
A. With a pumpkin patch.

Q. What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
A. His other fang.

The preacher was most annoyed to find an elderly man falling asleep during his
sermon every Sunday. So, after service one day, he said to little Juan
accompaning him, “If you can keep your grandfather awake, I’ll pay you a
quarter.”

This worked for two weeks; the aged man was kept awake and listened
to the sermons very attentively. On the third Sunday, however, the preacher
observed that the old man had falled asleep again.

After the Mass, he called Juan and said, “I am very angry with you. Didn’t I
promise you a quarter a week to keep your grandfather awake?”

“Yes,” replied the boy, but grandpa gives me a dollar not to disturb him.”

One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said, “I have to sleep with Daddy.”

A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, “The big sissy.”

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her
cart. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and
her mother said to her, “No.” The little girl immediately began to whine and
fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Brenda, we just have five of the aisles
left to go through – don’t be upset. It won’t be long now.”

Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for
candy. When told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry. The mother said,
“there, there, Brenda, don’t cry – only two more aisles to go and then we’ll be
checking out.”

When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to
clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there’d be no
gum purchased. The mother said serenely, “Brenda, just control yourself, we’ll
be through this check out stand in 5 minutes.”

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to
compliment her. “I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little
Brenda,” he began.

The mother replied, “I’m Brenda – my little girl’s name is Ashley.”

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, “Mom, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, “Mommy is gonna eat your fingers!” pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and tears down her face.

I said, “What’s wrong honey?”

Sad and broken up she looked at me and said –
“Mommy, where’s my booger?

Britney Spears sais to a fish: How do you have so many Fans?

TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.

WILLIE: Me!

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo