Once open a time, there were 3 boys named shut up, manners, and trouble. One
day, the trio was taking a hike, and then suddenly, they came up open a BIG
carnival. They went to get some corndogs, got some more corndogs, and a few more
corndogs. Finally, they were sick of corndogs. Trouble went on the Ferris wheel
without telling manners, or shut up. After 10 minutes, manners and shut up went
looking for trouble. Soon, they got tired. So manners said, “Lets try the police
station”. So they went to the police station.
Manners stayed by the window, and Shut up went inside. The police officer
asked him, what’s your name? Shut up! Young man, what�s your name? Shut up!
Young man, are you looking for Trouble! He replied: Why yes, how did you guess?
The sheriff said young man, where are your manners? Shut up said: By the
window!
Category: little johnny
Animal Game
One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand.
The teacher says “See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?”
Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe.
“Very good Sally,” the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up their hands.
“See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?”
Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra.
“Very good Billy,” the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students holds up their hand.
“See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?”
Still no one guesses.
“Let me give you another hint, it’s something your mother calls your father.”
Johnny shouts out “I know what it is, it’s a horny bastard.”
Cats In Heaven
A little boy is gone to school one day and while he is gone, his cat gets
killed. His mother is very concerned about how he will take the news. Upon his
arrival home, she explains the tragedy and tries to console the boy saying, “But
don’t worry, the cat is in heaven with God now.”
To which the boy replied, “What’s God gonna’ do with a dead cat?”
How to Tell if your Child is Doing Drugs
Many parents today are concerned that their offspring might somehow be involved in the world of illegal pharmaceuticals, or “drugs”. This is a healthy concern. Knowing your kids are “high” is the first step toward helping them avoid problems with their health, their grades, the law, and getting those hard-to-clean vomit stains out of the Oriental rug.
KNOW THE WARNING SIGNS- select the option which best describes your child.
1. Your child’s idea of a fun sport to play is:
A) tossing a pigskin ball around
B) throwing an orange rubber ball into a netted hole
C) inserting a pointy needle into a vein and mixing foreign substances into the human bloodstream.
2. Your child’s idea of a responsible adult is:
A) Bill Clinton
B) Tom Hanks
C) Charles Manson.
3. Your child’s favourite hobbies include:
A) Model Rocketry
B) Baseball
C) Taking white, powdery substances from a big bag and breaking it down into many smaller bags.
4. Your child’s pet is:
A) a puppy dog
B) a 16′ python
C) a colony of imaginary bugs and spiders that crawl under their skin.
5. Your child’s breath smells like:
A) a fresh, minty mountain top
B) lunch
C) an opium den.
6. When your young ones dress up to go out, they look like:
A) Fred and Ginger
B) Regis and Kathy Lee
C) Sid and Nancy
7. Your child would identify Tijuana Gold as:
A) a precious metal
B) a Mexican theme park
C) a good deal, but not as potent as the stuff from Thailand.
8. When you ask your child how their day at school was at the dinner table they answer:
A) they scored a goal for their soccer team
B) they got the highest grade in class on a math test
C) they scored a dime bag and got high.
Total up the number of times you answered “C” to the questions above and consult the table below.
no “C’s” – Chances are your child is not on drugs. They probably aren’t that exciting either. Kick them out of the house and force them to live on the cold streets for a few months to let them really appreciate life in all it’s murkiness.
1-3 “C’s” – Your child might be on drugs, but you can’t be certain. Put a flashlight up to their face and flash it in their eyes. This doesn’t really tell you anything, but it scares the pants off your kids and is kind of fun.
3-6 “C’s” – You may as well face it, you’ve got a little druggie on your hands. Your child is a menace to society and must be dealt with accordingly. We suggest a good flaying to help them kick their nasty habit. Confiscate all their stash and send it to Ooze.
7-8 “C’s”- Your child has never used drugs. No sir. Just smile nicely at them and slink out of the house. Never return.
Learning to Pick Up Toys
Dad: Look at this room. It’s a mess. When will our kids start picking up toys?
Mom: When they have kids!
Ya moma
ya momma is so fat when she went to the beach the whales started singin we are family
BOYISH PRANKS
“Why are you making your baby sister cry? I have asked you to give her whatever she asks,is”nt it?” shouts the mother.
“I did exactly that,Mom. She wanted a Green Chilli and I gave it to her” said the boy mischeviously.
Silly Sesame Street Joke
Bert and Ernie were deciding what they should do for the day, and Bert says,”How about we go get some icecream?” And Ernie says,”Sher-bert.”
For The Teacher
The teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters “ILU” written on it.
The teacher asks who left it.
A little white girl raises her hand.
Well sweetie, what does “ILU” mean?
The little girl replies, “I love you.”
The teacher says, “Isn’t that sweet,” and continues with class.
The next day the teacher finds a banana on her desk with the letters “YAS” written on it.
The teacher asks who left and what does it mean.
A little white boy raises his hand and says, “It means, You are special.”
“Thank you sweetheart”, the teacher says.
The following day, the teacher walks in to find a watermelon with the letters “FUCK” written on it.
The enraged teacher asks who left it and if they know what that means.
A little black girl raises her hand and cheerfully says, “Yes maam, I left it.
It means, from us colored kids!”.
Counting with Little Johnny
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.”Yes,” he said. “I do. My father taught me.” “Good. What comes after three.””Four,” answers the boy.”What comes after six?””Seven.””Very good,” says the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?””A jack,” says the boy.
Monster cookies
your so ugly you stuck your face in dough and made monster cookies
Animal Noises
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
“Davy, what noise does a cow make?”
“It goes moo.”
“Alice, what noise does a cat make?”
“It goes meow.”
“Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?”
“It goes baaa.”
“Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?”
“Errr.., it goes.. click!”