Category: little johnny

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because he was feeling crummy.

One day, the teacher was teaching a health class on sex education. He pulled down a chart of the male anatomy and asked if anyone knows what this is?

Little Johnny raised his hand excitedly and blurted proudly, “I don’t know its name but my dad has two of them.”

The professor said, “Johnny, you must be mistaken, your daddy doesn’t have two.”

Johnny insisted, “Yes he does. He has a little one he uses to pee with, and a big one that mom uses to brush her teeth!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

You’re in a room with no doors and no windows, and all you have is a baseball bat. How do you get out?

Strike 1!
Strike 2!
Strike 3!

You’re out!

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honour thy father and thy mother,” she asked “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

‘You Were an Accident”Strangers Have the Best Candy”The Little Sissy Who Snitched”Some Kittens Can Fly!”Getting More Chocolate on Your Face”Where Would You Like to Be Buried?”Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her”The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let’s Go Ride Our Bikes!”All Dogs Go to Hell”The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking”When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer They Say God Did It”Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia”What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?”Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?”Bi-Curious George”Daddy Drinks Because You Cry”Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver”You Are Different and That’s Bad”Dad’s New Wife Timothy”Pop! Goes The Hamster….And Other Great Microwave Games”Testing Homemade Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets”The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad”Babar Meets the Taxidermist”Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence”The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables”Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom’s Purse”The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy”Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will”The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead”How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School”Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear’

Q: Where does your nose go, when it gets hungry?

A: Booger King!!!

16> Herpes the Love Bug Rises Again

15> Pocket Monsters, Inc.

14> In Search of the Castaways’ Remains

13> The Inedible-Due-to-Harbor-Pollution Mister Limpet

12> Babes in Neverland

11> Kilo and Snitch

10> The Skanky Dog

9> Bedknobs and Handcuffs

8> Pocahotass

7> Lady and the Cramps

6> Brother, Bare

5> 101 Inflammations

4> DumbHo

3> The Lizzie McGuire/Paris Hilton Movie

2> That Darn Clap

1> Darby O’Gill and the Village People

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

Little Johnny ‘s next door neighbors had a baby.
Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears.

When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny’s family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny’s parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.

He said “Now, son… that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home.”

“I promise not to mention his ears at all” said Little Johnny.

At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby’s hand He looked at it’s mother and said “Oh What a Beautiful little baby”. The mother said “Thank you very much, Little Johnny.”

He then said, “this baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why… just look at his pretty little eyes…. Did his doctor say that he can see good?”

The Mother said “why, yes Johnny… his doctor said he has 20/20 vision.

Little Johnny said “well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldn’t wear glasses!!!

Little Johnny sees that his friend at school has a new watch so he asks him how he got it.

“I waited until I heard the bedsprings squeaking in my folk`s bedroom and then I ran in. My father gave me a watch to get rid of me,” replied the little friend.

Little Johnny, thinking that this was a cool idea goes home and waits until he hears the bedsprings squeaking rhythmically and then runs into his folk`s bedroom.

“What do YOU want?!” asks the father gruffly.

“I want a watch!” says Johnny.

“Well then, sit down and shut up!” Dad replies.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Washing The Dog

A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local grocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent.

The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my dog!”

“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

“Oh, he died,” the boy said sadly.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog!”

“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”

“Oh? What was it then?”

“I think it was the spin cycle!”

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.”
Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”

David beckham is in a school and he goes into one classroom and says now kids can anyone tell me what a tragedy would be.

One boy sticks his hand up and says “If my friend was playing football in the street and got run over by a car that would be a tragedy”.

“No”, says beckham “That would be described as an accident.

So a girl puts her hand up and says “If a bus carrying about 50 children fell of a cliff and every child died that would be a tragedy”.

“Fraid not”. says Beckham “That would be a great loss”.

So then silence, no-one answers.

“What”, says Beckham “Can’t anyone tell me what a tragedy would be”.

Eventually little Johnny at the back puts his hand up and says, “If a plane carrying David Beckham was blown up by a bomb that would be a tragedy”.

“Wonderful”, beams Beckham and he says “Now can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”

The boy replies, “Well it would not be an accident and it certainly would not be a great loss”