Category: little johnny

What does a duck like to eat?
A quacker!

A little boy walks down the street with a dead frog on a string.
He enters a whorehouse and approaches the madam.

“Madam, I would like to have a girl for the afternoon.” says the little boy.
“Sonny, I think you’re a little young for that.” replies the madam.
The little boy places a $100 bill in the madam’s hand.
“One lady coming up.” says the madam.

“And I want her to have herpes,” says the little boy.
“Why on earth would you want that?” asked the madam, “and anyway, I don’t have any women like that. All my girls are clean.”
The little boy pulls out another $100 bill and gives it to the madam.
“One dirty girl, coming up,” she says.

The madam takes the little boy upstairs and leaves him in a room with a well endowed blonde. When he comes down a little bit later, she says, “Son, I can understand you wanting to get laid, but why on earth would you want to catch something like herpes?”

The little boy looks the madam straight in the eye and says, “It’s like this lady… When I get home the babysitter’s going to be there and I’m gonna fuck her and SHE’S going to get the herpes.

Then when my mom and dad come home, my dad’s going to take the babysitter home and fuck her and HE’S going to get the herpes.

Then when my dad gets home, he’s going to fuck my mom and SHE’S going to get the herpes.

Then about 10 o’clock tomorrow morning, the mailman’s going to show up at my house and fuck my mom and HE’S THE ONE THAT KILLED MY FUCKING FROG!”

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked
at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible,
and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree
that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: “I think it’s Adam’s
suit!”

If your child asks how Santa Claus gets into the house, just tell him he comes in through a large hole in daddy’s wallet.

Son:”Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?”
Father: “Sure son. What’s the question?”

Son: “What is politics?”

Father: “Well, let’s take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let’s call me “Capitalism”. Your mother is the administrator of money, so we’ll call her “Government”. We take care of your needs, so we’ll call you “The People”. We’ll call the maid “The Working Class”, and your baby brothe we can call “The Future”.

“Do you understand, Son?”

Son: “I’m not really sure, Dad. I’ll have to think about it”.

That night, awakened by his baby brother’s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parent’s room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid’s room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

The next morning he reported to his father. “Dad, now I think I understand what politics is”.

Father: “Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?”

Son: “Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit”.

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, “If my dad was a bull and my mum a cow I’d be a little bull.”

The driver starts to get mad at the noisy kid, who continues with “If my dad was an elephant and my mum a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.”

The kid goes on with several animals until the driver gets angry and yells at the kid, “What if your dad was a gay and your mom was a prostitute?!”

The kid smiles and says, “I would be a bus driver !”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis

One Sunday a young child was acting up during the 10 o’clock Mass. The parents
did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the
battle.

Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the
aisle and carried the boy outside.

Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to
the congregation, “Pray for me! Pray for me!”

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms.

The father replies, “Well, you see that 3 pack? That’s for when you’re in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.”

The son then asks his father, “Well what’s the 6 pack for?” The father replies, “Well, that’s for when you’re in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.

Then the son asks his father what the 12 pack is for. The father replies, “Well, that’s for when you’re married…
You have one for January, one for February, one for March…”

A little girl comes running into the house bawling her eyes out and cradling her hand: “Mummy quick! Get me a glass of cider!” She wailed.

“Why do you want a glass of cider?” asked her mother.

“I’ve cut my hand on a thorn , and I want the pain to go away!”

Confused and weary of the childs whinning, the mother obliged and poured her a glass of cider. The little girl immediately dunked her hand into it.

“Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesn’t work!” she whined.

“What are you talking about?” asked her mother now getting a little frustrated with her daughter. “Whatever made you think that cider would ease the pain?”

“Well, I overheard my big sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can’t wait to get it in cider.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Eedited by Curtis

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.” The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn’t do?” The little girl replied, “My homework.”

did you ever eat poop

Bill Clinton, George Bush and Osama Bin Ladin were riding in an airplane. Bill Clinton said, “Hey, do you dare me to throw this acorn out of the window?”, they said yes and he did. George Bush said, “Hey, do you dare me to throw this apple core out of the window?”, they said yes, and he did. Osama Bin Ladin said, “Hey, do you dare me to throw this bomb out of the window?”, they screamed “No!”, but he did anyway. When the plane landed, Bill Clinton saw a little girl crying and he asked her what was wrong. She said, “An acron fell out of the sky and hit me on the head”. Then, George Bush saw a little boy crying and asked him what was wrong. He said, ” An apple core fell out of the sky and hit me on the head. Osama Bin Ladin saw a little boy laughing really hard and asked him what was he laughing at. The little boy replied, “I just farted and blew up the Washington Monument!”.